Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Harry]

Being a carer can be both physically and mentally demanding. In my own experience the rewards can be enormous to both the carer and the person/s being cared for. During my time caring for a 22 yr old male dealing with anxiety and depression I would quite often forget about my own well being and I found that this could affect the quality of time and care I was able to put into being a carer.for my friend.

Being a carer meant that I had to try to remain as fit and resialiant as I realistically could. A couple of things that I found beneficial to myself were meditation and mindfulness techniques. Finding a quiet time during the day just to relax and take stock of where my own self was helped me feel grounded and more relaxed.

Another thing I enjoyed trying to do was simply to go for a walk. I'd take an hour out of my day/night and just walk and take in the sights and sounds. Along with being a nice grounding exercise the physical aspect assisted me with maintaining a level of personal physical fitness.

Hope this proves helpful

[3forme]

I know what you mean Harry. When my daughter became ill with psychosis I spent every minute with her, even sleeping on the floor beside her at night. Another carer, whose son also had psychosis, told me that looking after myself would make me a better carer. I didn't get it at the time, but now I do!

I started out just taking 10 minutes at a time, going for a walk. It was so hard to leave her, and a bit scary. It was amazing how that 10 minutes made me feel so much better and cleared my mind. When I came back, I was in a much better frame of mind to deal with my daughter. I know there are times when we cant leave our loved ones, even for 10 minutes but I started asking other family members  to help me.

We have come a long way since the days when she was very ill but sometimes I think I wouldn't have been able to keep going if I hadn't taken those short breaks.

[Jess]

Hi Harry, you make some great points. For the last year or so I've been getting up an hour earlier each weekday morning to do an hour of yoga at home. I use apps or YouTube clips for the routines. I notice such a difference in my stress levels and by doing it first thing before the day starts, there isn't a temptation to skip it. I'd encourage others to give it a go or find what works for them

[Harry]

Thanks for sharing that.Yes even short breaks can make the world of difference.

[Harry]

That's a great idea using multimedia as a means of getting some personal time. Perfect for those people who don't have the time to actually get away for a while.

[Jack_Heath]

Harry, I'm curious what meditation/mindfulness you did and how you came across it.  I know of a couple of people who have found it a bit help but I wouldn't have picked them to be doing it.  BND

[Jo]

I agree. As carers, we tend to focus all our time and energy on those for whom we care. I cared first for my sister, starting in the 1970s, then my nephew as well as my sister in the 1980s. And then, up to the present day, my son. Sometimes I get so exhaustedIi think I am losing my marbles but then I remind myself that if anything happened to me, who then would care for my son? So I resume a routine of walking and taking time out to do things like gardening, reading or writing. We have to stay fit and healthy mentally, emotionally and physically

[Daisy]

Caring about my husband (with schizoeffective disorder) and myself (with depression) gets confusing and exhausting. Sometimes I don't know if it is "me or him"... Who do i focus on? Bit I like your point about just going for a walk... This doesn't always work out, but if we go for a walk together - it's good for him, and it's good for me ... And it often ends up being good for our relationship too!

[Ruby]

As carers, there is no question that we need physical and mental time out. It's just finding that 'time out'! I have found support groups incredibly beneficial as, they not only give me some 'breathing space', but also give me the knowledge that I am not alone in my caring role, not alone in my feelings and not alone. They have also given me valuable knowledge to help towards the care of my son, but also how to care for myself. The understanding from other carers, and facilitators, has given me a sense of perspective about my caring role and about my own life learning journey.

[Brodie]

I sometimes forget the self care thing with some fo the study stuff I'm doing, but in the past too when my partner was really struggling with PTSD, depression and addiction. For me I definitely go for walks, but I also find talking it out with another person really helps. I tend to go to my mum, a friend or the college counsellor to vent or get a soundboard. Journalling is also a great tool to help track my own mood and sort out my thoughts on different issues we may be having.