OCD relapse

[elyse]

A week ago my husband had an OCD relapse, we have been together 12 years and this is the worst one we have been through.

I find it really hard to explain what happens exactly but I will use our psychiatrists description. It's like there is a monster on his shoulder and sometimes that monster just sits there but other times that monster takes over.

For him it's like someone has let the plug out, he slowly drains away and the void that's left gets filled with this sick person.

He's 6ft 4 and a bricklayer. He's a strong man and in these episodes he crumples up into an empty shell.

His eyes go wild and he loses touch with his surroundings and goes into himself.

It's really hard to talk him out of his obsessions because he doubts everything. He doubts whether he's asked you a question, whether he's ever going to get better and he catastrophises and obsseses over these catastrophes.

Mentally healthy people seem to think that in any mental illness relaxing is the cure. But in OCD it's definitely not. It's the worst thing they can do. That's why people develop compulsions like cleaning, knocking, counting, rituals to help control their thoughts. Then these become obsessions and without doing these rituals the whole world falls apart.

When he tries to sleep the thoughts take over. A week ago he was laying on the couch curled up in a ball crying hysterically from exhaustion as his thoughts took over him repeatedly only giving him a rest so his body could fuel up enough to go another round. Watching him deal with it reminded me of childbirth. You know the next contraction is coming and it will be agonising but there's nothing you can do to stop it and you're frightened and you can't control it.

I called the CAT team that night at 4am and they turned up the next morning.

For the first time in his whole life the psychiatrist explained to both of us that he's never going to get better. That OCD is most likely genetic..

We'd always been under the impression that he could get better. That if he kept running and eating right and avoiding alcohol and drugs that he would be cured. That he'd reach some magical point that would make it all better. But he won't.
I have so much fear now for our future.
We have two little girls.
I have so much fear for them.

[soul]

Hey @elyse, found you on this thread. I hope that there will be others who can assist as this is out of my range of experience. Perhaps @Faith-and-Hope - has something of value to add. 

To be told that he's not going to get better must have been a devastating blow. I guess you can hope that his condition is contained and managed well enough to allow you all to live a fulfilling and happy life.

It must be hugely stressful to be watching, wondering when the next episode will occur. That's no way to live and the helplessness you must feel would be overwhelming. Coupled with frustration and perhaps even anger and sadness, it makes for a difficult situation. 

You would likely be wondering if this will affect your daughters also.

Is there anything that you can ascertain that brings it on?  

[elyse]

His work brings it on definitely. In particular a structural aspect to his work that leaves what he does as the only thing holding up a building. He thinks if he makes a mistake the building is going to fall down and hurt people and his life will be over. He obsesses over all these horrible things that will happen to people if he makes a mistake. The most recent episode was bought on after he spoke to his dad and his dad told him not to quit his stressful job. I can't blame his dad, he doesn't understand the extent of what is going on. He just wants us to get ahead financially but it's the last thing we should be focusing on. <br><br>I'm terrified my daughters will end up having it too. In particular my eldest who is already displaying behaviours. But it's hard to know if they are learned or true behaviours.

[soul]

I'm guessing that applying logic won't cut it @elyse? I was in a relationship with someone who has BPD and if they had this particular notion in their head and I attempted to rationalise it, I was accused of conspiring against him. It did not end well.

Could there be other opportunities your husband could pursue that would be less stressful or would he find sonething else to obsess about?

It's normal for you to look at symptoms that may be appearing in your daughters as many mental illnesses have genetic links. Try not to find things that may not be there and stress yourself about them.

Does your husband practise any relaxation techniques? What about you? It's good that you are enjoying going back to work. It may serve as a reprieve from this difficult situation you are involved in.

[Former-Member]

Thank you for your responses @soul, I always enjoy reading your posts 🙂

Hi @elyse 🙂 thank you for your post. You're providing parts of your families story that offers a lot of insight into how that imapcts everyone.

I'm really glad you have found the forums as a place for you to find support for yourself and connect with others in similar siutaions.

There was a Topic Tuesday titled OCD From An Insider's Perspective,  this can be viewed here. @Tim_H offers wonderful insight into his experience of OCD, I wondered if there is some information throughout the thread that could be of interest to you.

On the lived experience forum there was another Topic Tuesday titled OCD Managing Compulsions with can be found here.

I also noticed your thread searching for other OCD carers which looks great. 

I wonder if any of our other carers @Faith-and-Hope, @Shaz51, @Former-Member can offer any suggestions around self care or support for @elyse with her story she shares. 

Pebbles 🙂

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Former-Member .... hi @elyse ..... 👋

Carer's burnout is a real thing. I take myself out for coffee every morning to a coffee shop 15mins walk from home, so that gets me a minimum of 30mins exercise. I often buy myself breakfast there, and take a crossword with me. My family are grown up, and although I leave the offer open to them, the ones who are still at home are not up for coming with me. In fact, under our circumstances they are sleeping in a lot.

I paint, craft, listen to music, catch up with friends, and seek out other sources and moments of joy where I can find them to help offset the heartache and distress.

It all helps to keep me from situational depression.

I hope that helps ..... 💐

[Shaz51]

Hello @elyse 

How are you today

we are self employed due to my husband`s MI , we have a very very small income , and he feels he makes mistakes all the time and worries that clients will not want us to come back

looking after yourself helps you to look after others , like having a cuppa putside under the trees ,ect

What things do you like doing ??

[Former-Member]

Hi @elyse

My husband Mr Darcy has quite a number of OCD traits, some are on the practical side of things - lining thngs up, washing hands, checking things.  The trait that worries him the most though are the thoughts he has, the things he says or doesn't say- he will thank me many times for doing simple things, he wants the last thing he says to me at night and the first thing in the morning to be 'I love you' and can get ever so distressed if it is not. At the moment he has a medical problem and is in pain; his anxiety is markedly increased and an intrusive thought can start him howling and I can certainly feel for you in your distress.  These thoughts to anyone else seem so benign and eveyone thinks he is so polite and kind - which he is - but at times the thanking gets too much and when he wakes up all upset because he didn't tell me he loved me the night before it is hard.

Please don't lose hope - this site has some information and lists some support services that might be of help. 

http://www.arcvic.org.au/anxiety-disorders/obsessive-compulsive-disorder

Darcy

[Shaz51]

@Former-Member, with what you say , i can see things that mr shaz does  and I told him about OCD and he was told  he had it years ago  because of his routine he does every day , and has the windows locked and rechecks that before bed

he has to be home by a certain time too

@elyse, you are not alone my friend , we are here for you xx

[elyse]

Things are not good for us today, I have been trying to distract him from his thoughts all morning and he hasn completely broken down. I called our GP and he suggested calling the hospital and seeing if I can have him admitted. I am waiting for a call back to see if I can get him in today. I feel sick with worry.