My son (24) has schizophrenia

[Former-Member]

hello @Zam @Barbara

I have an adult son diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia who has left the state and will not tell anyone where he is. we are unable to contact him. he believes that he is well mentally. he is of course as a result under no care and on no medication.

i spoke to him the other night and his paranoia has increased, he has deteriorated.

I want to thank you for taking the time to respond to a mother who is trying her utmost to do everything for her son, including keep his rights respected and his dignity.  Unfortunately the system is failing her, her son, myself, my son and many others out there.

So I have the utmost respect and regard for you and thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have reached out and helped us just by giving us your perspective. Be very proud of who you are, I am so glad to hear that you have your parent's support and that you now can see how valuable that was. You are all such wonderful human beings.

Your words on here will  be read by many so know that you have and will be moving forward helping so many.

I wish you and your family a happy, healthy life

all the best

[Zam]

Hi @Former-Member

terribly sorry to hear about your son and I hope the best for him and that he will get some help.

thank you for the compliment, I honestly forgot I even wrote these posts here but it makes me happy knowing some appreciate it if that is what they do.

Living with schizophrenia is horrible but I feel putting others through my issues with it is just as bad and I think you guys are amazing people and your loved ones suffering with schizophrenia are extremely lucky to have you in their lives.

like you said the mental health system is very flawed and yeah it's hard to get help. 

I am actually studying my diploma in mental health now, in the attempts to get in that field and offer help that is not provided. The times I have been in hospital and at my worst, all I ever wanted was to talk to someone who can relate to me and doesn't look at me like I'm crazy or treat me like I'm a child.. So yeah I'm trying to be for others now what I needed most when I was in hospital..

anyway I do hope everything gets better for you and your son. 

[Pamina]

So how is your situaton now?

[Pamina]

@BarbaraSo how are things now?

[no_more_ideas]

Hi @Barbara

I feel for you and share your pain, as much as anyone can. My 20-year-old son is in hospital now with mania, while my 16-year-old daughter hides in her room with social anxiety and depression, struggling with school refusal despite medication and therapy for the past three years. Thankfully, my 18-year-old son shows no signs of mental illness, fingers crossed.

All your hopes and dreams for your children, it's hard to let them go. I agree, it is harder for mothers. My husband died suddenly 17 months ago, so I'm struggling with this on my own. How much can we all bear?

But tomorrow is another day and there is always hope that it will be a better day than today.

Hugs to you.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Barbara

I can totally relate also being the mother of a daughter who suffers BPD and bi-polar - the ongoing stress is relentless and to watch their demise is soul destroying. It can be a very lonely journey. I discovered what I need to do was to still make a life for myself - so I volunteered for charity and try and socialise with friends once a week. This breaks help me gain a balance and is good for me.

But when I come home it's on again. And it can be a helpless feeling - but I keep telling myself I can only do my best. And try and detach emotionally whilst still offering support where I can. Our adult children whom are mentally ill are also responsible to help themselves and sometimes after giving our all to no avail we have to step back. 

I can understand your fear of traumatising your son by committing him when ill - but you also state that your son is In despair and severely ill at home. Treatment may offer him a better quality of life and sometimes doing what's best for our children requires tough love. Here if you wish to talk.

[StillLoveHim]

Hi all,

This is my first time posting so please excuse the long message. My younger brother, now 35, has suffered from schizophrenia for 15 years. He has lived at home with my now elderly parents his entire life. His condition has progressively deteriorated.

I’ve lived abroad with my own family for 10 years which has not only rendered me unable to help with management of his illness, but also as much as I hate to admit it, left me relieved. My sister also moved abroad 5 years ago, and extended family support is not an option. This has meant that nearly all of the burden has fallen on my parents, mainly my mother.

He has no real friends. He is rude and makes everyone feel uncomfortable. He has not been violent but I have no idea what he is capable of any more. He earns disability but refuses to cook, clean or look after himself, for all of which he depends on my mother. He sleeps all day and wanders around the house all night like a zombie with his headphones on. He smokes cigarettes heavily. He has no interest in getting out of the house, working, volunteering, etc. Although they live under the same roof, my father hasn’t spoken to him in more than 6 months. He is a significant financial and emotional drain on them and the situation has become so bad that not only are they on the verge of mental illnesses themselves, they live in fear, lock their doors at night and have completely lost control of their lives. This is so unfair given their age.

In terms of treatment, he has been hospitalized a couple of times and saw several psychiatrists in the early years but none of which were able to make any progress. He refuses to see any one any more, not even a case worker, claiming he is well. We believe he takes his monthly shot, but there is no way to be sure.

To be clear, I still love him and desperately want him to get better but bitterly hate the person he has become and the irreparable damage that he has inflicted on the family. I want to engineer a solution that 1) gives my parents control of their lives/home again, and 2) ensures he gets the best treatment available. He would need to move out of home as part of this solution. Any advice on a course of action or referrals would be greatly appreciated. They live in Adelaide.

Thanks so much for letting me vent on your forum.

[ivana]

Hi Stilllovehim-

 It's a really heartbreaking situation for both your brother and your parents.

Instead of having bitterness towards your brother,consider that his symptoms/behaviours are not caused by his will but by an illness.

For example,if your brother was made a amputee due to Diabetes,he also may need someone to take care of him and he might have apathy and lack of motivation.

Your brother has an illness/disability in the same way,except his illness is "invisible" because it is his brain affected and not a leg that you can see.

This increases the burden (or cross) on your brother and it can cause others to misperceive his actions as being intentionally caused by his will.

Part of his illness is not just voices or delusional thought,but it is apathy,lack of direction,motivation and anhedonia.

This is often increased even more so by the side effects of the medications/antipsychotics.

He likely sleeps all day/wanders at night not because he is intentionally inconsiderate but rather because his sleep-wake cycle is disturbed and upside down as happens in this illness.

Your brother is faced with many,many challenges.

Have your parents tried a Respite Care service like the one below?

http://www.caringchoice.com.au/our-services/respite-accommodation-services/

[CherryBomb]

Hi @StillLoveHim,

It sounds like you care about your brother a lot, but it's hard to see him through his mental illness. His behaviour, I imagine, is very challenging and stresfful for your family and you, particularly with you being so far away.

From what you've written, it seems like you have a clear direction in how you'd like things to pan out. I can see that you have everyone's best interests at hard. A solution may be challening if brother and parents can't change their own behaviour. For instance, would your parents be willing to ask your brother to leave? And would your brother be willing to engage in therapy and seek out help? These are important factors that will play a signifant part in your brother leaving home, and him getting help.

I'm keen to hear what @Zam's thoughts are on this? Also @oddity has written about her concerns in regards to adult son who shares some similarities with your brother. You can read about it here.

[Former-Member]

hello @ivana

I found your response extremely helpful.

You have great insight into the illness.

There is so much to learn as well as realise that the person is still there, with their own individual personalities.

I am very interested in the information on the respite care services in Adelaide. Have you or do you  know of anyone who has used the service specifically for schizophrenia and how helpful it was to all concerned?

I try to find out as much information as I  can hopeful that one day my son will return to this state. If this is not to be that he will reach a time where he is comfortable in letting us know where he is so that we can visit him if he is comfortable with that.

thank you