Mother with Borderline Personality Disorder

[Lilly15]

Hi there,

I just joined the site today. thanks for having me.

I think my mother has borderline personality disorder.

She has never been formally diagnosed but these are my suspicions. She certainly fits the symptoms.

I am feeling scared and anxious (this realisation has made SO much fall into place). It also feels a bit overwhelming. I now realise as much as I love her, I can never trust her.

I am in therapy (which is going really well) and I think now, I have to learn safe, protective methods and start instilling very good boundaries. I have already done this physically - we live in different states. I really do love my mother, but she is hard work. 

I am a strong person, but I don't have a lot of support in my life - and this is hard sometimes.

Any support/advice/input appreciated.

thanks 🙂

[Ru-bee]

Hi @Lilly15 and welcome to the forums.

I'm so glad that you've found this space to add to your already solid-sounding support network.

It can feel quite overwhelming when we find a name for what you've been observing/experiencing for so long. While it can help us better understand what's happening, and diagnosis can be a great step towards recovery, it can also be scary to use these labels for someone that we love.

Do you think your mother would ever seek support or perhaps diagnosis?

While I don't have experience with BPD myself, I know that there are a lot of forums members with lived experience themselves, or through supporting a loved one with BPD. I look forward to seeing any guidance or support I'm sure they'll be able to offer when they come across your post.

Thanks so much for sharing here, I hope that this can be a safe space for you to feel supported as you continue to work through this 

[Arlene]

I have bpd it IS HARD IN ALL ASPECTS ..EXCAMPLE ..MOOD CHANGES WE ARE LIKE THE WIND WE CHANGE .GET SAD CRY DEPPRESSED FOR NO REASON.  ANGER YES ..LASH OUT YES..BPD IS SO HARD FOR US TO LIVE WITH ..MY EMOTIONS ARE EVERY WHERE ..WE TEY OUR BEST BUT ITS SO HARD ..THE PAIN IS WITH US 24 7 ..WE ARE KIND CARING PEOPLE ..BUT SOME ONE WHO HASNT GOT IT WILL FIND THEM SELVES CONFUSED ..SUPPORT IS NEEDED FOR  WHO EVER IS LIVING OR CARING FOR SOME ONE WITH BPD ..THEN THEY WILL KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT..MY CHILDREN WELL 2 OF THEM CANT HANDLE ME OTHER DAUGHTER HAS BPD WE CLASH .DONT SEE MUCH OF MY KIDS ALL GROWN UP SAID IM TO MUCH IT HURTS ME BUT I ACCEPT IT ...

[8ppleTree]

Hi @Lilly15 

Welcome to the forums 🙂

Feel free to have a look at some of the resources below, hopefully some of them will be helpful for you. It's not easy setting boundaries with family and changing long-standing patterns, so well done! It's really understandable to feel a bit overwhelmed when the puzzle pieces fall into place. I think the main thing is to be proud of yourself for being compassionate and for respecting your own needs at the same time. It can be a learning curve, so go easy on yourself. 

  BPD Australia provide support for family and carers.

helpful tips for friends and families with challenging relationships 

Ultimately, learning new skills can only work to improve family cultures and our own mental health. It may not feel great right now, but hopefully you will be able to feel the silver lining as time goes by 🙂

Have you noticed any change in the way you are relating to each other yet?  

[defaultusername]

Hi @Lilly15,

Thank you for sharing with us and welcome to the Forum 🙂

I'm sorry to hear that you've had so much weighing on your shoulders and that you have such a strained relationship with your mother.

That's great that you're happy with how your therapy is going, it's such a good feeling when we find the right people.

It sounds like moving away was a really good decision for you and that creating some healthy boundaries would be beneficial.

If you feel you need some extra support, then you did well in reaching out here. It's a lovely community full of kind and understanding people, so I hope that you feel welcome here.

I'd be more than happy to provide you with some different support services and resources, if you'd like? Just let me know.

There is also SANE's Support Line 1800 187 263 which is available Monday to Friday 10am - 8pm, and they may be able to help provide some advice and support to you right now.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Take care.