Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[ROB77]

Hello! This is my first time posting. My partner has a history of OCD depression and anxiety. We're looking to move in with eachother in a few months, however we're having issues regarding my cat. I've had my cat for several years now and I find that she helps me manage my own anxiety, however she triggers my partners OCD. I've been coming up with solutions, such as off limit areas for the cat, and regular professional grooming and even an outdoor enclosure so she isn't inside in the living areas as often as she is at my house currently. However it feels as though the decision is already made that she won't be moving with us. Im struggling because I don't want to cause her any undue stress and anxiety, however I also want to be able to draw a line as to what my needs are as well. I was wondering if anyone had any advice? 

[cloudcore]

Hi @ROB77 , welcome to the forums 

That sounds like a really challenging situation to navigate, I can hear how much you want to support your partner with their mental health and also how important your cat is for yours. It must be quite stressful. I don't have any advice for you, but I was wondering if you and your partner have professional supports for yourselves?

from cloudcore

[ROB77]

Hi Cloudcore, thank you for the reply! 

My partner has an ongoing psych and psychiatrist who they see, as well as being on medication. I have seen a psych in the past, however have not needed to for the past couple of years as I've been well managing my anxiety. 
The tricky thing is that I know my partner is working really hard on their ocd, and that it's exhausting for them, it just feels like we're in a bit of limbo at the moment. So I thought if I could pick up some extra knowledge and tips for how to help them with their OCD, it might help things. I've found they can be quite avoidant and private when it comes to their mental health, which I completely understand, but I also want to help them where I can. Thank you again! 

[CarerOfBrother]

My advice based in my own experience- keep the cat, don't move in. I had a similar situation with my now ex husband and my 2 dogs. Ex had depression, anxiety and other undiagnosed issues. Long story short - he agreed I could get 2 dogs (bought one myself and he bought me the second one 6months later). Novelty wore off for him very quickly and he started picking at every little thing the dogs 'did to him' (even though he had no responsibility for them and I kept them away from him as much as I could). The dogs became overbearing for him and he became obsessive in making me 'get rid of them'. I felt his concerns where not fair or based in reality. When I wouldn't part with my dogs it became a huge issue for our relationship and We were married for almost 9 years (and I got the dogs in our first year of marriage)... I ended up with finally having the strength to leave a toxic relationship but with PTSD and needing CBT. However I kept my little dogs and they were the only things that kept me sane in an insane relationship. I had them for 13 years until they past away last year. Keep the cat!

[Tinker67]

Hello @ROB77 

Welcome to the forum.  It's great that you have joined.

I can't advise you re: what to do.  It sounds like your needs aren't really compatible with your partner's which must be so hard for you both.  As a fellow cat lover, I understand your connection to your cat and how essential that relationship and connection is to your wellbeing.  I hope you and your partner are able to come to an agreement that will meet both your needs.  

All the best 

Tinker