Lived Experience Forum

[Baileyboy]

Had a really shitty day, don't really know why. Maybe the last few weeks catching up on me. Trying to use less pain meds and pain is so much worse, leads to exhaustion, doesn't it? And the idea of night coming on just terrifies me.

Took my sister to surgeon about back issue and even though my psychologist says I won't be able to look after her if she does need surgery, even lifting and stuff, well I've been making plans so I can. Stairs in the house will definitely be an issue, but, you know I carry my poor arthritic dog up and down them each day so maybe... or could put a temp bed downstairs. Who knows but I will have to do omething if this surgery goes ahead. Waiting for more tests at the moment. Unfortunately she has never been one to help herself, why would she, I mean mum did everything for her and now I do. Any suggestions on how I can undo my crappy work?

Anyway, tired of worry and tears in private. Heaven help us all if she thought I might be needing something...ha ha.. Can hear her snoring down the hallway.lucky her!

Sorry, just needed a rant, and there it is. Bb. 

[Appleblossom]

I had a little sister who my mother over compensated towards ... think about it in terms .. in that you will help your sister to mature .. and treat others better ... if she also takes a little responsibility .. it all depends on your circs ...

It sounds tricky with the stairs .. I also cannot lift the weight of adult body .. at all ..

How much younger is she .. .. can you get Personal Carer in for lifting ...

rants are sometimes needed

[Baileyboy]

@Appleblossom Unfortunately, my sister is 7 yrs older and I've grown up watching mum do everything, or face the consequences, even after she had her stroke and I was trying to look after her. I'd come home to find mum trying to iron or get her a cup of teaetc. It got to the stage that I didn't leave them alone too often. The day mum died sis was going to go shopping, take mum and leave her in the car while she wandered. Luckily I caught on to the plan and made the day a good one, not that I knew it would be her last..

As mum slipped into unconciousness I held ger and let her speak because that's what I thought she wanted and the last thing she said or asked really was for me to make a promise ie to look after my sister. Some days are just harder than others, I guess.

[Appleblossom]

A deathbed wish can be binding but also was not very fair on you as younger sister.

I struggled to find ways to set reasonable boundaries in my family ... 

Firstly you need to look after yourself. Not exhaust yourself looking after sister.

Only extra left over energy is for her ... only if she really needs it.

If she is older than you .. then it is even more important that she grows up and matures ... does she have severe disabilities .. her own MI issues?

[Baileyboy]

@Appleblossom my sister has issues all of her own. When I was 5 she had to have her hip operated on and mum spent 3 months alone with her at a city hospital. I think mum and dads guilt started then..if she wouldn't do her rehab, that was fine. My mind didn't see a pattern starting but I think it did. Anyone who knows her comments on her swearing and mum copped daily abuse, sometimes even physical, I tried on occasions to stop it..always landed me in more trouble. Ans now I take the same I guess. My other sister just limits her time with her but htey have more history as they are only 2 yrs apart. I tend to act as a buffer for them which sometimes gets a little much.

Anyway, 2 hip replacements and other joint problems probably don't help but it does become frustrating when everything is always about her.of couse she is depressed and has very strong anger issues. I've actually gotten to the stage that if I go out I feel I have to compensate her, so I always bring her back something. My close friends accept that we are somewhat a package deal but..you know. It's getting old.

Try to get her interesred in other things but seems to always be wrong. Some days everything I do is wrong but you just live with those days. My other sister doesn't realise mum made her request so doesn't get where I'm coming from. I wont give that much info up anyway..hmmm. I wish I could just fix it!!!