Lived Experience Forum

[Eden1919]

so yesterday my friend said a bunch of triggering things to me and i am still trying to get over it honestly it has brought up so many bad memories for me and has really set me off. sadly i cannot tell my friend this or they will be upset with me. also they did something a bit like manipulative and idk how i feel about it basically they didnt get what they wanted from a situation and so then they went a self harmed to try and prove a point to the people who didnt give them what they wanted and like idk it just gives me bad vibes like i get that they were probably feeling desperate but they could have done something else to get their point across and idk i am just feeling really over everything at this point maybe i am only feeling this way because of all the triggering stuff before that idk anyway idk what to do. 

[tyme]

Hey @Eden1919 ,

That sounds very stressful for you. It is understandable your friend’s actions have impacted you.

When people are heightened, they tend to be in fight/flight mode which means they may act in ways they normally wouldn’t.

The main thing at this time is, do you have people you can talk to to help you through this?

Do you think you will eventually talk to this friend to let them know how their words and actions affected you?

[Jasper_123]

Hi @Eden1919 , I'm sorry that you had to go through that experience. I think it's hard when somebody is being manipulating but I think looking at your friend with compassion may also be helpful. Often people will do something for a reason but it's actually due to something completely different (if that makes sense?) 

Will you speak to the friend about how their actions made you feel?

[Eden1919]

@tyme  unfortunately this is how my friend acts normally this wasnt an unusual thing for them it was more the setting of it happening that triggered me more so than the act itself if that makes sense. but it isnt something i can really talk to them about without backlash.

@Jasper_123  i dont think i can talk to them about it they wouldnt take that very well so i cant really bring it up i think all i can do is distance myself a little bit for a while to get some space.  

[tyme]

I wonder if you can 'hang out' with this friend only at certain times, and when you don't feel you can take the behaviour, remove yourself? It's so important to protect yourself @Eden1919 

Look at it this way: You may have different friends for different things. Some who are more outgoing for social things, some who are there to lend an ear, some who will go for walks, and some who go to movies with you...

Then, depending on what you need, go for those people with like passions?

[Eden1919]

@tyme  i can try and distance myself a little but it is difficult to do that without offending so idk how it will go but i can try. 

[tyme]

How are you going @Eden1919 ? Have you heard from that 'friend'?

[Eden1919]

@tyme  yes i have heard from the friend again yesterday they said some triggering things again but they were as bad as before so that was good but still it was difficult especially when i am not feeling great myself. 

[LilMapleLeaf]

@Eden1919 

Hi there,

This friend really does not sound like they are being respectful of you or your feelings. It sounds like they are causing you a lot of pain and stress while you are already struggling. 

I hope this doesn't sound rude at all but I'm curious as to why you are still spending time with some one who is causing you this pain and hurt? They don't seem like a good friend to you?

[Eden1919]

@LilMapleLeaf  they arent all bad and we used to be a lot closer but i guess we have gone down different paths as we got older and that is causing the friction but they do mean well and they have good intensions and i dont want to leave them because of their poor mental health like everyone else has i think i just need to find a way to set stricter boundaries with them somehow i am not sure yet but they arent a bad person they are just going through a lot.