Lived Experience Forum

[Powderfinger]

A very close friend of mine has just been diagnosed by a psychiatrist with bipolar II and maybe borderline personality disorder. The second one yet to be determined with follow ups with psychiatrist. 

I know my friend pretty well and I'm finding it hard to come to terms with. The diagnosis does not seem fitting. I have had a fair bit to do with quite a few bipolar people. I'm not saying it us not the right diagnosis, so just feel confused and a bit shocked. 

I've found out stuff about my friend that she did not tell me ever and I had no idea it was an issue for her. 

I had to get a permanent AVO out last year in my prior partner who had both bipolar and BPD as my life was in danger. 

My friend though, I absolutely adore and I absolutely WILL NOT stop being her friend. I guess it has hit me. I'm scared. I'm worried. I don't want her to be pumped full of medication. Before her diagnosis, I did not once think bipolar. I was there when she got the diagnosis. 

Certainly she is symptomatic of bipolar. There was just a lot I was not ever told. There are no real support groups for friends or partners of people that have a diagnosis of bipolar. I feel so out of my depth in many ways. 

I just don't know what to do, think or feel. I'm really struggling. If the medication helps her then I will support it of course. I'm just scared of the effects of may have in her body over time. I don't know where to discuss my concerns. 

[Maggie]

@Powderfinger  I don’t know what to say. But letting you know I’m listening. Take care. 💙

[SJT63]

@Powderfinger I agree about lack of support groups. There are several face to face meeting groups in my city but they all take place during business hours so I can't attend.

I've found a lot of solace in these forums and I'm sure you already know how helpful the phone service can be. 

also bphope.com is a fabulous blog/website and you can read all the articles without subsribing to the magazine

my partner really only has one friend left and I'm amazed that this man is still taking calls from my partner despite the rages that happen periodically - I guess because he knew him before the illness took hold.

for my bloke "pumped full of medication" is the only way he ever has any real quality of life, so horses for courses

Love S x

[Appleblossom]

@Powderfinger 

The carers side of the forum, might address some of the issues and help you set boundaries and remain in relationship with a person you care about.  Diagnosis seems to be more of an art than a science .... not sure what to make of it all, as I had such a hard time getting diagnosis myself.  Hearing you about concerns re being pumped full of meds.  I go with a harm minimisation approach, which ironically is common in the D&A field.  Both my parents had serious diagnoses but were very different people and personalities.  It does not mean she will be the same as you partner.

Take Care

[Aniela]

Hi @Powderfinger 

I think the carer forums will be able to help you more. I'm not a carer but I have lived experience. 

I have many friends and family who don't believe the diagnosis I have. How we present to people is not always accurate. My diagnosis/s are actually accurate though. Also, no one has the exact same experience of a mental illness. People can have the same diagnosis and have very very different symptoms, thoughts, ideas, behaviours, perceptions etc. From my experience I wish people around me validated my diagnosis because it would have allowed me to move forward and cope. Without the validation it brings shame, uncertainty and hopelessness in being able to recover. That is from my experience anyway.   

[Powderfinger]

@SJT63 

Thank you for sharing. I'm not able to respond to any of it. I am having difficulty thinking straight lately. It's damn exhausting. Through it all, I will not leave. She is a beautiful person  The diagnosis is a diagnosis. One day at a time. It's not always easy to know what to do. No one is perfect but I know for me I have good intentions. I guess I will just keep plodding along. 

[Powderfinger]

@Appleblossom 

Yeah,I may reach out in the caters forum. Boundaries are good and needed. Bi polar or not, boundaries are good. Well so far she is on trial for one medication. It's a low dose, I imagine to be increased slowly pending how she copes or not copes with it. She was meant to go on a second one at the same time but it is not on the PBS and is very expensive. So, it is back to the psychiatrist to find a cheaper alternative. 

Of course she has my support. She also has a great doctor. It's hard to find a good doctor these days. I lost faith in doctors myself but this doctor is restoring that. It's just going to be a bit tough for a while with hopefully a good outcome. 

[Powderfinger]

@Aniela 

I'm sorry you have been invalidated. In my case, I have not invalidated my friend. It just came as a shock to me when I found out. You may not understand it from my experience and perspective but that is what it is. It was hard to hear her say things I never even knew in all our time as friends. My head spun. Everything happened so fast. I am still getting my head around it and there is nothing wrong with that. 

I have not abandoned my friend and I won't. I will not abandin me either. I need my own self care from my own battles of a mental illness. 

I hope you are able to surround yourself with more people that validate you instead of invalidate you. 

Ramble.