Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Something’s not right

despairingmum
Casual Contributor

Saving a relationship

Hi everyone.  I am new here and hoping to find some answers or support.  My adult daughter is a sex worker and we find that impossible to deal with.  We have not seen her for 7 months but have had some phone and text contact with her.  Her perception of what she is doing and ours could not be further apart.  She sees herself as empowered and living an exciting life, while we feel that she is living a life that we cannot share.  We feel utterly bereft of the relationship we expected to share with her and cannot share our feelings with any of our friends.  While there is a lot of support for sex workers, there is none for their families.  I believe she may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder as she cannot empathise with our feelings and is totally focused on money and her appearance (to the point of surgery), and is always looking for approval on social media etc.  Is there anyone out there who deals with a similar situation?  How do you maintain your relationship?

10 REPLIES 10

Re: Saving a relationship

Hi @despairingmum I dont' have any answers but I was so sorry to read about the deterioration of the relationship with your daughter - and that you feel so stymied by the clash of your values and your concern for your daughter's wellbeing and her safety. It must be so difficult for you to love her, but to feel powerless about the decisions and the lifestyle she is leading ... wehn I saw no responses to your post, I wanted to make sure that you fel listened to even though there isn't someone who identifies with your situation who has replied yet! I can only hope that you will be able to preserve your love for her, in the chance that she will pass through this / you will recognise what you can accept and live with - and that AFTERwards there will be a chance for you to have the relationship you want. All my best - Spaman

Re: Saving a relationship

Thankyou so much. That was very kind Smiley Happy

Re: Saving a relationship

@despairingmum  Hi despairingmum and welcome to the forums. I just wanted to reach out to you and say that we are a friendly group of people with various mental health backgrounds. Have a look around the forums and join in when you are ready. Take care of yourself during this time. Love greenpeax

Re: Saving a relationship

Hi despairingmum

l have the attitude that pain is pain, so even though I have not been through what you are going through I feel your pain because I've been through a lot of it myself.

 I hope that somehow you will get the answer to your situation 

Sending love and hugs, roses 🌹 

Re: Saving a relationship

@despairingmum  I can hear how devestating this is to You and sensing its a huge loss.

As a young adult  I recall many times when my choices and values clashed with my Mothers. Her non acceptance and demands of  wanting me to change was awful as I was discovering my own life and what was important to me. I would have liked more  acceptance and support yet it wasnt possible as her viewpoints were pushed beyond measure so I navigated much of those exploratory years stepping back from her.    Looking back I also realise now that I was being rebellious without knowing how hard it was for her because I was so focused on "my own freedom" and had a viewpoint she was just trying to control Me . Growing older and with more maturity I can see now how hard it would have been  for her.

All I can suggest is that when You do have contact focus on something else rather than Who she has become and her chosen work.....Have contact based on a shared fun experience that you both enjoy rather than sitting and chatting ( This can really lead to arguing ) ...  Doing something specific together can  create space to be with each other....  go for a walk, bushwalk or cook together, do craft togther ... something You both can enjoy ... She is much more than what she's choosing for work right now.

Many young adults now are seeking approval and affirmation through social media and relationships are deteriorating .... Creating happy memories together is  like an artform these days.

Re: Saving a relationship

@BraveOne Gave many really good suggestions.  Hello @roses @spaman 

Smiley Happy

@despairingmum I can relate to your circumstances although there are some differences in my family. 

Heart

Still I really have noted the upswing in support for sex workers in mainstream media, without addressing all the other circumstances around that kind of work and what it might mean for families.  I believe that is wrong, an attempt to remedy violence in that field, maybe, but not looking at it as a whole.  She may grow out of it. Interesting you think it is attached to Narcissism.  My family member spent 12 years in the scene then moved into a slightly less dodgy but still questionable role based on fantasies.  My son thinks the person has NPD, and she certainly seems to have the traits.  That is no help to you, when you actually love the person and want the best possible life for them, along with all the lost hopes and general dissappointment.  Wish I could offer more support.  

Take care

 

Re: Saving a relationship

Thankyou. I really appreciate you all taking the time to reply to me. Some really helpful and thoughtful comments. Thankyou again Smiley Happy

Re: Saving a relationship

Thankyou! 

Re: Saving a relationship

@Appleblossom you are so right!  Somehow there is a perception that being a sex worker is glamorous and something to be admired.  They cannot see that they are do every woman a disservice by perpetuating the male myth of entitlement if they pay.  I am at a loss.  Thankyou so much for your thoughts Smiley Happy

Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

For urgent assistance: