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mimosa
Casual Contributor

Overwhelmed - sole carer of a mother with psychological issues and early onset dementia

Hi everyone,

I am in my early 20s and my mother in her 50s. My mother has been struggling with delusional disorder for the past few decades. I sought some medical support for her but she refused to go see the doctor so she is undiagnosed, and has never received medical treatment for her delusions. 

She also has mood swings, and on her bad days it affects her so much that her voice barely comes out and sounds like a whisper.

She also recently started showing signs of early onset dementia. She also refused medical support for this, when I suggested a check-up, so she is not receiving any treatment. I feel so alone and overwhelmed as I realise how much she is struggling and will struggle, and how much I struggle by being her carer. 

 

I am the only child, she is divorced, is not close to anyone in her family and has no friends she can turn to for support, so I feel a huge sense of responsibility to care for her. I have a history of depression, and while I am much better now thanks to the help of my counsellors, I cry almost daily when I spend time with her and noticed that it really affects my mental health. 

 

Because of financial struggles, she wants to move in with me soon and I feel overwhelmed by the prospect of it as I know my mental health will suffer once we move in together and I am scared I will act impulsively to lead to an irreversible consequence once my depression kicks in again. 

 

I feel daunted when I think about the near future living with my mother and having have to care for her while I feel like no one understands the situation. I feel a sense of responsibility so huge it is overwhelming. Are there any support services I can seek support from to continue looking after her? Are there any support groups for people in the similar situation as I am? 

 

Any help would be appreciated. Thank you for reading

6 REPLIES 6

Re: Overwhelmed - sole carer of a mother with psychological issues and early onset dementia

Thank you for sharing. Is there some assisted living she can access? @mimosa . It doesn't sound healthy if she moves in and you do not think you will be able to support her needs.

 

I hope there is a solution. Would you be able to ask her doctors/therapists etc?

Re: Overwhelmed - sole carer of a mother with psychological issues and early onset dementia

@mimosa 

I am not sure what area you are in but contacting council or carer bodies like https://www.tandemcarers.org.au may help advise and support you.

 

It does sound like you need some boundary for your own self care so you do not both go downhill.  Not sure what your circumstances are re work or housing... but keep reaching out til you get what you need.

Re: Overwhelmed - sole carer of a mother with psychological issues and early onset dementia

Can you talk to your own GP about your situation? There may be a Councillor service or Social Worker that can assist you. 

 

You may be an only child, but this does not equate to you being your Mother's only support person. She will need a team.

 

It is very hard when people refuse help. Try suggesting you & Mother go see the GP together. For help for BOTH of you - as a team, to find others to ADD to your team. 

 

Lead her towards others that can help. So that professionals can meet her, hopefully diagnose & treat her. In the longer term, look at her housing needs & add more support. 

 

 

Re: Overwhelmed - sole carer of a mother with psychological issues and early onset dementia

First of all thank you so much for all your messages - I felt so alone and helpless about this situation and your messages made me feel supported and made me feel able to face the situation. I am so grateful for the existence of this forum and for all your thoughts. 

 

Due to being completely unaware herself that she is struggling with psychological disability and early onset dementia, she does not want to be a part of any assisted living facilities and does not want to be in aged care in the future either, when she is older. 

 

She does not want to see any doctors or therapists so there really is no one who looks after her professionally or personally. I am the only one who cares for her and I am lost as to what to do when we definitely needs help. 

Re: Overwhelmed - sole carer of a mother with psychological issues and early onset dementia

Going to see the doctor together was my original plan. I went to see her GP by myself at first, and talked about my mother. The GP gave me advice on how to persuade my mother to come see her together, and I followed all her advice and we actually were able to go to the appointment. Although the GP was very careful not to provoke her and did not give a diagnosis in front of her, as soon as the appointment ended she became hysterical, cried like I have never seen before and verbally abused and blamed me.

 

After a few months, I went to another doctor who has special interest in psychological health, and followed his advice again and tried to go see him together with my mother, but this time she absolutely refused and I ended up going to the second appointment by myself, without my mother. 

 

It is indeed very difficult when they refuse help - I feel as if I can only watch her suffer and not be able to do anything about it, while I suffer too...

 

I had no idea that my GP may be able to help by connecting me to social workers - I have a new GP now and will definitely talk to her about this. Thank you for your suggestion.

Re: Overwhelmed - sole carer of a mother with psychological issues and early onset dementia

I really feel for you. I am in a similar situation with my son. It’s very hard to deal with.. Mostly I feel you should be able to have your own life and NOT be the sole carer for your mum. I hope you find the right support! Best wishes.

 

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