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07-01-2023 02:22 PM
07-01-2023 02:22 PM
Not able to express my feelings
Hi everyone, my partner recently suffered a back injury and around the same time I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. He’s always a sensitive man and needs to feel heard and validated but now he’s feeling very down and I am also struggling with my diagnosis, pain, a stressful job and we parent his 5 year old son full time.
If I forget to ask ‘how are you feeling’ or don’t hug him the minute o walk in the door he treats me like I’m an ogre. If I mention that I’m feeling pain ‘oh it’s all about you isn’t it!’
I feel like I’m dealing with 2 5 year olds and it’s exhausting. I really do understand how he’s feeling but his attitude makes me so much less sympathetic frankly….he hasn’t asked me once how I’m doing? What am I supposed to do?
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07-01-2023 03:10 PM
07-01-2023 03:10 PM
Re: Not able to express my feelings
I'm hearing there is tension in the household at the moment @Pootle . I'm sorry things are so tough at the moment.
Have you tried speaking to your partner about this when you are both calm? e.g. "I've noticed that lately, there seems to be some tension between us. I understand you are in pain. I am also struggling. How do you think we can make this work so it benefits all of us including our son?"
Something along the lines of that. I just think open communication is so important. I'm also wondering, do you have any other supports in place for yourself?
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07-01-2023 03:31 PM
07-01-2023 03:31 PM
Re: Not able to express my feelings
Hi @tyme ,
I have tried yes. We sat on the bed and calmed down and cuddled which was nice. Then he said ‘ask me!’
I replied‘sorry, ask you what honey?’
he said ‘ask me how I am!’
I was kind of wierded out but I asked him and he talked about how he felt (which I knew). Then just as I was about to respond he picked up his phone and replied to a text from his ex wife - an issue we argued about just the day before. I walked out of the room. He and his ex text daily because they have ‘co-parenting’ issues to discuss although their son is perfectly fine and happy and she will see him in 2 days.
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07-01-2023 03:37 PM
07-01-2023 03:37 PM
Re: Not able to express my feelings
I hear there are a lot of factors involved in this @Pootle - not just the physical pain.
Do you think you would give 1800 RESPECT a call? I've heard they are super-helpful (I guess it depends on who you get).
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07-01-2023 03:43 PM
07-01-2023 03:43 PM
Re: Not able to express my feelings
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07-01-2023 03:54 PM
07-01-2023 03:54 PM
Re: Not able to express my feelings
I also want to acknowledge that it takes a lot to reach out in the first place @Pootle . Well done for doing so.
I look forward to hearing how you go.
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07-01-2023 04:38 PM
07-01-2023 04:38 PM
Re: Not able to express my feelings
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10-01-2023 05:55 PM
10-01-2023 05:55 PM
Re: Not able to express my feelings
Hey @Pootle
I hear you on that. I think that you might need to speak about how you are feeling in a calm manner to him to see if he could come to a compromise and a middle ground with it. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, or you think he might react to it in not a great way, then it might be worth letting some family or close friends know how you are feeling so that they can provide some extra support so that you're not carrying all of it by yourself. Maybe if he has multiple people checking in on him a day it might make him feel a bit better and less lonely, and also less expectant for you to do everything emotionally for him.
Is that something you think might benefit?
All the best,
Amber22