My medical certificates were rejected @Sans911. My psych put one in and it was rejected so we put another in and is was rejected because they say my condition is permanent. If it’s permanent I have to apply for the DSP but my psych won’t support that. She says that it’s rubbish that my condition is permanent too which is probably true. My GP won’t write anything to do with my mh as she says it’s not her domain which I respect. My GP has contact from my psych after every appointment. It’s not a case that she is not on my side but that she trusts my psych and thinks that it’s best left to the expert in the field.
I have had exemption through a job capacity assessment every year for five now and so Centrelink say that that unless I can provide new evidence I can’t go for a job capacity assessment and if I need to then have to apply for the DSP. The lady at the job network showed me the dsp paperwork and said I need to apply for it. She knows I’m not ready either. She gave me bubbles to help regulate my breathing and distract to get through the interview. I couldn’t take in anything she was saying I was so distressed. I dont meet the criteria for anything except being useless, there is no category for that either.
The hardest thing is that i do want to get to a place where work is possible. Until this all came up I was hoping to attack volunteering again this year. I had support lined up for that too. I need to be able to survive in an environment that is not mental health supported first before I can try the real thing. I needed small steps. In the last appointment she promised she wouldn’t throw me in the deep end yet but on my visit on Wednesday she flipped and did, but only because of the Centrelink stuff, so strongly is her view of me not going on the DSP.
I know now I have stupidly crazy high anxiety of this but I wanted to deal with it. A few years ago I found out that my grandmother had attempted suicide. I wasn’t given a reason and to this day I doubt that my parents would know. I did the maths and put it together knowing what I understand about her. She attempted at the same time that she had to start working to support my dads tertiary education. I don’t know this for a fact but I know in my genes because we are built the same genetically. It’s not a fear of working it’s a fear of all that comes with it.... getting something wrong, forgetting how to do something, being judged by others, having things confirmed about yourself that you’ve hidden from others for so so many years. She loved people and was funny and people loved her but she had the same secrets I do I think. My shame @CheerBear is fear of work. The fear is a life and death fear. How does that fit with mi or the real world. 😢😢😢😢😢😰
edited again to say that I think she had the same fears as I do about herself but she had many many more dark traumatic secrets she took to her grave. She refused to say anything about her childhood, she was raised in an orphanage. I have nothing on her pain.
