I am struggling at the moment

[Teej]

Thanks @outlander, @Sans911

@outlander. My sleep is chemically induced. It usually slows me down for 24 hrs. My GP and psychiatrist have said I’m playing a little with fire doing it and one day I may not wake up, thus the unhealthy coping strategy. BUT I have had a 100% success rate of waking up. Usually when I do it waking up is not high on my agenda either. It’s something that is a low risk and the benefits I get outweigh the risk most times but it’s not changing my behaviours or getting me to sit through those emotions so it’s completely maladaptive. I have a standing appointment with my therapist so I don’t need to rebook which is a bit lucky. I spoke to her briefly. Has today been a bit easier for you? 

@Sans911  Yep anger is my Achilles heel. It’s always anger at myself or a hurt that I turn into anger because I don’t know how to deal with it. I think if I could have cried yesterday it would have helped hugely. I’ve lost someone I could talk to as well which is also making it a little harder.

i have a feeling we both keep things inside that we feel insecure about or shame until they implode. How are you doing?

Would love to to hear how you are too @Former-Member. 

💜🤗 

[Appleblossom]

@Teej 

Good Bad and all those colours in the rainbow.

[Teej]

I thought there was only three colours @Appleblossom. Good, bad and purple 💜😘

[Teej]

@CheerBear. For you 💜🤗

[Teej]

Hi @Former-Member. I don’t get buzzing noises in my ear. I hope your self care day has gone ok. Been searching for something for you and found this for us to share 💜🤗

[outlander]

Life is hard @Teej but ive noticed you've said some of your improvements and that is a great start. Some habits are hard to break when all we are asking for is some sort of relief. I hope with your therapist ( i think you said you were trying a new one or perhaps it was a different form of therapy 🤔) either way i hope that you'll be able to see some more improvements and work on getting through those emotions and challanges you face abit easier
💜💜

[Former-Member]

I hope you are sleeping already and going ok tonight @Teej . 

I have no idea how to answer how i am! my brain is on 'huh?' mode (would be the same response if you asked me if the sky is blue?). i am everything all at once. i am ok and falling apart and surviving and really not surviving and busy and doing ok in other ways and not in so many others. i think im pretty much a drama queen who needs to get bigger nickers and pull them up higher and just do better... the world at large seems to think that im fine and its just me inside this head that cant cope and is defective. so... confusing much? i wish i had an interpreter for my self or i could just download my thoughts/mind onto a usb for analysis because trying to get out of my own head what's in there is just impossible for me to do. 

sorry! 

[Faith-and-Hope]

💜🌹 @Former-Member .....

[Teej]

Hey @Former-Member

 it sounds pretty complicated for you just now. Well have to develop some AI programs to extract things from your brain me thinks. They’ve actually started on something similar. I bet life is full on just now. How are the kids going? I can’t believe t2 is neatly over. I think I one up you for needing big girl pants just now. Falling to pieces over anything. My time ended with my biggest support (I think you might have an idea who that was. That’s been really hard for me just now but I have to suffer in my jocks because I bought that on myself too. Wearing a huge L on my forehead again. I hope you can ease back in the forum again if you want. You’ve been missed. I’m pretty drunk just now and taken some meds so better go before I say anything that’s right out. Please don’t be a stranger. Gotta go. Brain is fried, can hardly see. Hoping for hours of black again. Really want to keep going and take more but good teej has the final say I think. The idea of never waking up again is pretty bloody attractive just lately. 

Hope to speak soon when alcohols and drugs aren’t running the show. 💜🤗

[Former-Member]

Hope you're ok @Teej - hoping that you get a good sleep and wake up feeling a little better. Things will settle, change is hard a lot of the time but then things shift around it all and it becomes easier or maybe just the new normal i guess...  doesnt mean its not crud though or really hard. 

will be waiting to hear from you when you are awake... hugs