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Something’s not right

FTG
Casual Contributor

Feeling flat

I go though alot and have been though alot just for my kids they are the only reason im still around, im happy to be in more pain just to spend time with them. I ask them if they want to got to the beach , or camping, fishing ect it's a no all the time. 

Their aunty comes along and mentions it and then suddenly they want to go. Where did I fail now I'm just a bank and taxi service. Or just don't exist to the.

Even when their aunty is the one to arrange the Beach or fishing whatever it is I'm the one that takes them she never follows though so I don't get it.

3 REPLIES 3

Re: Feeling flat

@FTG 

How old are your children? It seems common that teenagers or school-age children say they don't want to do things with their parents, but respond to suggestions of other adults. It could be that they want to hang out with friends rather than someone in a parental role who their perceive may judge them or impose restrictions? They may see their Aunty as an adult friend? Maybe they are trying to assert some independance or would like to choose friends? Do you have any friends with children around the same age that might be going through the same thing. Though not all children go through things at the same time or ways, it could help to know others are experiencing similiar to you.

 

Could you try asking them if they would like to bring a friend/s along? Perhaps suggest some parts of the activity that they could do independantly then meet back with you for other parts. Doing things with 1 or more other families could be good thing to try too?

 

It can be hard to see your children not want to be with you, but perhaps if you see it in a different way - as them developing their identity, independance and confidence to be around others? As they develop independance it allows you time to yourself - so try to embrace that time you may not have had when they were younger. If you are feeling a bit flat - maybe trying some self-care ideas to help you feel better. It sounds like you have been through a lot for your children & are willing to do so, but you also need to look after yourself so you can look after your children.

 

Maybe if you experiencing pain to be with them, they may see that pain and not want to be the reason you are in pain?

 

Sorry I hope my answers provide some different ideas for you to think about. Sorry if I am totally off the mark - feel free to ignore anything that isn't relevant or helpful to you.

Re: Feeling flat

@CrazyChick I suffer physical pain which limits alot and no I don't have any friends its just me and my kids. So no one around same age of my kids ect my kids aunty doesn't even spend time with them nor talk to them really before it even came up she hadn't seen them in 18 months. I don't really have anything to do with her. My kids are either at work or school I try get them out the house cause they dont do nothing. They use to do stuff with me all the time they dont really have restrictions they are pretty open with me tell me everything. Idk it's like they know it makes my pain worse well that's how I feel anyway. But I don't care I just want that time with my kids. Why bother keep trying with it all and the pain if they don't even want the time of the day. May as well just stop nagging them

Re: Feeling flat

@FTG

If you have a pretty open relationship with your children, can you discuss this with them? You could tell them that because you love them you don't mind putting up with a bit of pain to do things with them. And ask them if there are any things they would like to do? You could explain that you are worried that they don't seem to want to do anything outside of school/work and ask them if they are ok, or if something is worrying them? Perhaps find a list of fun things to do as a family to help prompt some conversations.

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