Something’s not right
30-06-2021 05:27 PM - edited 30-06-2021 05:33 PM
I've been contemplating moving on from this thread and starting a new one, as it seems my Older Daughter's original DID diagnosis was incorrect. I'm currently waiting to see what transpires from a series of assessments. There's a lot of disorders that tend to induce the emergence of alters, but DID has some very specific characteristics. At the moment, the investigations being done are looking into whether our daughter actually has undiagnosed autism, and guess what... alters are a reasonably common thing with autism.
Alters seem to emerge as a way of coping with overwhelming situations, so in DID, an almost universal precursor is some form of severe and ongoing childhood abuse. It's very rare for it to occur without that history. The abused child who cannot escape their abuser finds another way to "escape" by partitioning their mind, so that they can be "somewhere else" when the abuse occurs. It's a brutal coping mechanism, and in itself can be harmful, as it leaves the person with a "fragmented" sense of self. And yes, memories of one alter can be completely locked away from others, in DID and other alter-inducing disorders.
With autism, I think it's the sheer incomprehensibility of the world and other people that's largely responsible for the person in question reverting to dissociating and alters.
However, schitzophrenia is not a disorder that's associated with alters.
There could be a number of possible diagnoses, but if your daughter is unwilling to see a psychologist, that makes getting a professional diagnosis a bit impossible. And as we (Hubby and I) have experienced, the professionals don't always get the diagnosis correct at first.
Am concerned about your safety though, given the "angry alter" seems to be one of the dominant ones. Am thinking that it might be worthwhile having a @Moderator contact you to discuss some options that might get help for your daughter and give you some sense of safety? Your call if you want to talk with them, but my tag will bring this thread to their attention.
30-06-2021 05:53 PM
I read through your post and it sounds distressing to be confronted by your daughter's angry alter so frequently. It would be incredibly stressful and traumatic to watch your daughter go through this. The impact on you must be awful. I would like to encourage you to call the SANE Help Centre to talk to one of counsellors for emotional support but also to get some more practical support.
It's great that you have reached out to the forum community and I hope you feel supported here.
30-06-2021 07:03 PM
Thank you so much for that input @Smc . It has helped me too.
I have heard it said that people with NPD have two alters - the trapped and sealed in inner child, and an alter who replaces them for the rest of their life who will switch masks during the various stages of the NPD cycle of abuse from the "love-bombing" phase to "The Discard". What you have described makes sense of that.
@Carol61 I hope the Sane Help Centre can help you with your personal safety. I am concerned about your vulnerability to the hostile alter too .....
01-07-2021 08:45 AM
@Faith-and-Hope, I've had occasional glimpses of the "scared child" part of my NPD ex-friend.
Because the NPD cycle results in other people being exploited and abused, it's sometimes difficult to see the damaged and hurting person sheltering inside. It's so hard trying to put in place self protection and hold the person responsible for their actions while not losing sight of the fact that they are seriously mentally unwell.
01-07-2021 01:54 PM
That is absolutely correct @Smc ...,, I have a psychologist friend who says she is continually astounded at the amount of damage that people suffering from NPD can inflict in the lives of those around them ..... 😔 .... and it is extremely rare that they seek the diagnosis and treatment that can improve their lives and others.
04-07-2021 09:03 PM
Have been wondering how you were getting on and just caching up on your thread. Trust the current round of assessments go as well as they can 🙏
04-07-2021 09:58 PM
General ups and downs. Older Daughter is still unwell with what appears to be genuine physical problems, but we're still not sure if the level of pain she reports is "over-reported", and we continue to be concerned at how many strong painkillers she takes. Younger Daughter is off visiting a friend and due home tomorrow. She's got a lot happening that she's not talking about with us... in part that's just teenager-hood, but we think she's keeping stuff quiet that we probably need to know about.
All being well, we're traveling up to see my parents next weekend for a few days. Self, Hubby, Sister and Younger Daughter. So we need to stay cough and sniffle free so that they'll let us into the aged care home. No small ask in winter! I'm hoping that the trip up might open some conversations with Younger Daughter.
Me... I'm a bit flat at the moment, not sleeping very well. Likewise Hubby.
Assessments... first two appointments have been and gone for Older Daughter. Next one is Hubby and I to give a picture of early childhood, and, I'm guessing, general family dynamics. We haven't heard from them yet to make a time. Expecting that will be an emotionally exhausting day.