Lived Experience Forum

[M_P90]

I've had to work VERY hard to get to a place of insight and good mental health. I feel like I've pulled myself up out of a really bad place. There is really significant intergenerational trauma in my family. I have a mother who is unpredictable, she can verbally and emotionally abusive and manipulative but also can be practically helpful and warm, too. I've met enough manipulators to know what's genuine and what's not with her, for the most part.  I think she cares but she has some kind of serious personality problem. She can't maintain relationships exceptwith other toxic people, and it's always conflictual. She refuses to go to therapy. 

Sometimes what grates me is having people give me advice on how to deal with her.  For many reasons, cutting her out of my life isn't an option and I'm going back to therapy to get some plan in place on how to manage contact. But my partner, for one, just tells me to tell my mum how I feel.  To do such a thing is to play a game of Russian roulette. She might say what she has to say to keep the relationship (nothing genuine in this) or attack me verbally.  Last time I told my mum how I felt,  she attacked me verbally she made me feel like she regretted my entire existence and it f$%ed with my head and sent me into a spiral for weeks.  So average folks like my partner don't understand this and suggest that, saying what I feel or cutting her out. Which as I've said is too difficult for a variety of reasons I don't want to get into.  

Sometimes I just wish people didn't make assumptions about family relationships. Christmas and new year everyone pretends catching up with family is so great and refreshing.  For many its stressful, for others like myself it can be deeply wounding. It's just so complicated and I find it hard to make others understand.  But for me this whole thing is a big part of why I was so mentally unwell for so long, and it's something I still have to navigate.  

[tyme]

Thank you for reaching out and sharing @M_P90 . It's good to be able to get some of these things out I guess. 

Well done on the work you have done to get to where you are today. I recognise it's hard and frustrating when people just don't understand and make assumptions. I hope you will be able to connect with others on the forums as you navigate this.

tyme

[NatureLover]

So sorry to hear, @M_P90  😢

Sending virtual hugs... 🫂