Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

Yes the old woman's work chestnut is a tuff nut to chew.

Especially when it is meant to be invisible .. a taken for granted sign of love.

@Define_normal 

At least you are clear for yourself, for now. 

My hub should have known "if you dont get sleep and work around the clock the spirit and body will suffer", but he could not add that up.  He could add up when his body was suffering ....  We both had math/sci background.  I hoped it was enough to bond over but it was not. Our pasts are carried into the present.  Has your hub ever heard that to grumble over housework is petty and discouraging?  Does he pull his weight?

Mine hated his mother's pride and diligence and obssesion with it ... and had me over a barrel either way ... too clean or too dirty ... did my head in.

[Snowie]

Expectations are hard to deal with @Define_normal I totally get that.

Today the only thing on my list was to get through the day. That is enough for today. 

[Define_normal]

@Snowie and @Appleblossom 

Yeah he does do housework but only on weekends. But I know that if I get through my do daily tasks and one task I want to complete then I feel that I made the best of that day. But yes I do have days where the list goes out the window and it is just make it though the day.

I think my partners biggest issue at the moment is that we have only been living on our own as a family for a year. Before that we lived with his parents and every time he had a problem he went straight to his parents but now he is in the real world and mummy and daddy can't always help. I myself grew a little dependant on his parents especially since mine weren't really there as parents.

But I have my experience of living in the real world my whole life learnt how to look after a family and keep a house of 8 going.

We are both 27 and he basically only had his bubble wrap removed when we moved out here a year ago.

[Appleblossom]

@Define_normal

Managing a household of 8 takes some doing.

Hope your hub becomes aware of his bubble wrap experience, sheds it properly, and steps up to the plate of your marriage.

[Define_normal]

Hello @Appleblossom, @Snowie , @Lilaca and anyone else passing through.

My list for today is:

Thing I should do everyday:

• Shower and face routine 
• Eat breakfast lunch and dinner 
• Make dinner 

Things I need to do:

• Clean kitchen 
• Clean lounge 
• Clean bathroom and toilet and hallway 
• Clean my room
• Go through my son's toys and clothes
• Washing catch up  

Things I want to achieve by end of day:

• Kitchen 
• 2 loads of washing 
• Shopping list 

Self reminder:

• Do studies instead of videogames if unable to sleep 
• Put Vicks on son before bed

[Appleblossom]

Your a loving busy mum and student @Define_normal 

Mums usually have to better than normal ... weary sigh ... but riffing on your name.

Its when the list becomes the every day list ... that things get really tough for me ...  Ahhh choices and what is important to put on that list ... my skin has faired alright ... as I stayed out of sun and did not wear much make up ... no daily face routine tho .... eeeeeeK!

Taking Care of YOU.

[Define_normal]

Hello @Appleblossom, @Snowie, @Lilaca and anyone else passing through 

@Appleblossom I understand it getting tough when the list is the same every day.

My list is exactly the same as yesterday because I felt unwell yesterday. Now I feel really low today after waking up to maggots coming out of the bin. I haven't had that happen in over a year and it's really got me flustered. I pretty much slept all day yesterday, my house is a mess and now the maggots... I'm trying to be better than my mum but lately I feel like I'm just like her nothing matter how hard I try in the end everything just falls apart 

[Appleblossom]

@Define_normal 

Your mum had 8 kids and that will make any house messy. 

Get on top of the house gradually. 

We renovated when my kids were small for ... 10 years ... so there was never the whole house looking sparkling clean I can tell you.  I came across maggots twice ... eeeekkk  wake up call ... but ... only to clean the maggots, not to diss your own character or your mother's cleaning.

... when kids are little ... you have not got time to worry about anything but the essentials.  You owe yourself the best care possible as your mother was obviously not able to spare much energy for you alone, which is why you admired the hubbies family.  I had a more opposite families attract dynamic hoing on ... rather than opposite people attract. On the surface of it all ... his seemed more kind, friendly, successful, beautiful, educated ... you probably know the scene.

After 5 years with ... hub .. I was screaming inside ... that even tho I grew up in "a ghetto" as hub called it ... we had clean walls ... and approximate order... and actually cared for each other ... not on the superficial ,, if I can throw an overseas trip and holiday into the bargain  ... I will visit. etc ... Different worlds ... we cant fix our families ... just be kind to YOU.

Separate out the role of mothering and cleaning ... they are interrelated ... but not everything ... honour your own style ... even if it overlaps a little with less desitable aspects of your mother ...you will be different ... as a whole person ... for sure.

There was a book "My Mother, My Self" ,,, it helped me.  Also "Woman Time".

[Kelsey]

Hi Define_normal,

I have enjoyed reading your posts in relation to making a daily list. Whilst I am feeling okay at the moment, my mood changes seem to be more frequent and I know that the feeling of being unable to achieve tasks will be around the corner. For me there is a challenge in being hard on myself I don't achieve significant 'things'. I am going to be a little less hard on myself and appreciate the small things that make up a day.

I will keep your list making strategy on hand. Thanks.

[Define_normal]

Hi @Lilaca, @Snowie @Appleblossom @Kelsey and everyone else who passes through,

Sorry I haven't posted for a few days but it has been a difficult few days. My Nephew's funeral and cremation and other happenings made it difficult to get by.

Today I'm focusing on cleaning the kitchen thoroughly and self care tasks as well

I have to fix it up a bit but I made this for my sister to put on his special shelf