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@cloudcore wrote:1. What are your most important values/greatest needs, and how do your boundaries reflect these?
Wow. This is more difficult to answer then I would've thought. 
My greatest need by far is my soulmate - my wife (who I'm yet to meet 
) And in the same vein, a secondary, but still immensely important need, is my true family (again, who I'm yet to meet )
Which ties in with my most important values, which are that we need to prioritize making life enjoyable - and therefore worth prolonging - to the people who behold us or are conscious of our existance. This is especially true if we are going to hold those people to an expectation that they ought to abstain from suicide and take an interest in prolonging their own lives.
@cloudcore wrote:...and how do your boundaries reflect these?
The difficulty with that is that I am a very accommodating fellow by nature. Call it 'wishful thinking' if you will - the idea that if I spend enough time putting myself out to accommodate others, maybe someday somebody will be good enough to put themselves out for me and give me the help I so desperately need.
So I perhaps don't exhibit any hard boundaries as such. I tend to stand by and politely smile, while seething internally.
But I would have to say that one of my hardest boundaries is that I hate slander/defamation/demonization - call it what you will; depicting me in a way that makes me an unpleasant and/or undesirable character in others' minds. Because it's damaging on three fronts:
First of all, it potentially sabotage any potential union between myself and my future wife and/or real family - not only by potentially inciting them to dislike me before they've even met me, but also by inciting potential go-betweens to dislike me, as well (e.g. imagine that my soulmate just happens to be your sister. If you've been told: "that @chibam is a real loser" are you going to be more or less inclined to set me up on a date with your sister? Perhaps if we'd met without the defamation, you would've been more open to seeing the striking matches between myself and your sister and had more an instinct to see us as a great match for one another.)
Secondly, it sabotages my ability to do my part in making the world a place worth living in. When people are already primed to feel uncomfortable around you, it is a hell of a battle to cut through that and evoke happiness within them.
Thirdly, it turns me into a darkness that makes peoples' lives worse; not better. Completely against my consent, it turns me into the exact opposite of what I - as an ethical and dilligent person - aspire to be. Instead of being a force (be it weak or strong) that brightens peoples' lives and makes them more willing to survive; you turn me into a ghoul that makes them depressed and uncomfortable, and therefore a force (weak or strong) that makes their lives worse.
Hi @Shaz51 @frog @chibam @Appleblossom @BPDSurvivor @Powderfinger @NatureLover ,
Thank you for your thoughtful contributions to this discussion, your posts have highlighted two sets of important values:
- "instrumental" values: like trust, honesty, loyalty and respect; and
- "terminal" values: like fulfilling relationships, education, equality and self love
They are both equally important to consider when creating boundaries!
I also acknowledge the common experience of having difficulty communicating and enforcing boundaries with those in our lives, and the negative reactions boundaries can elicit. I know I have experienced these too, it can be scary and upsetting when faced with it. I'm really happy to hear that your boundaries were accepted @Appleblossom 
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I will be posting the next question shortly, just tagging those involved in the thread, @Faith-and-Hope @LostAngel @Corny @Sophia1 , @Former-Member
