Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Violet]

Hell all you lovely wives/partners...
I so needed to read this thread yesterday to know that I am not alone! My partner has episodic meloncholic depression and is experiencing a major episode at the moment (he has had minor episodes since we've been together but this is the first major one I've been around for). We have a baby together and I also have 3 other children... So our home is usually filled with noise, chaos, singing, squabbling, games, etc!! Not at all conducive to the peace and quiet he says he needs to get though this episode. (He said to me yesterday that this is the first time he has dealt with a depressive episode and a family... In the past he has cocooned himself away in an almost catatonic state during the worst of it)... I find he is more frequently yelling at the kids... To the point of scaring them and me... Which I have told him is NOT ok... But then he locks himself in our room and claims he is worthless..... I feel like I am constantly on guard trying to be the mum that the kids need (it's school holidays too so all are home!!) and the partner that he needs... I'm exhausted because I'm up all night with the baby, I feel guilt that I'm not being 'enough' for him or the kids- yet I don't know how I can be any more! My partner is home all day ( he is on a DP due to the depression) and I'm a stay at home mum... I try and run a business from home (quite unsuccessfully at the moment!!) for my own sanity... I feel like my emotions tend to stress him even more and that I'm 'making him worse' due to me feeling anxiousness and hypervilligence around trying to have the household run smoothly and the kids be calm - all with intent of trying to make things better for him ... It's a horrid cycle.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Violet,

I agree with you that it is helpful to read others stories and know that you are not alone. 

My partner suffers depression and I know he has a terrible time sharing space with anyone at these times. It's not so much that he wants to be alone all the time as he is bothered by noise and emotional displays. I need to find another emotional outlet while my partner is depressed.

From a practical point of view if your partners bothered by noise there are noise cancelling headphones which allow the wearer to have a controlled space while the rest of the household continues on normally. This might help you both be in the same space. Life is noisy. My partner can have a meltdown and have to leave the house if I operate the vacuum cleaner. Something I really cannot live without but I try to avoid doing it when he is around.

cheers.

[Violet]

Thankyou @Former-Member
Those headphones sound like a great idea...
Ps I meant to start my earlier message with 'Hello' not hell 😉

[Shaz51]

Hello @Violet. My partner suffers depression and does not like a lot of noises , or large crowds or when the kids who are adults come and stay , the headphones are a great Idea .

one way in which we found good, is going to the beach or the creek for something different , to get out of the house , hubby comes too -- he goes for a swim while the others are burning off energy  , but i know there is times you just cant do this

hi Carer101, that is a great idea , and also I do the vacuum cleaner when he is not a home

[Shaz51]

Hello everyone @zipper, @Violet, @Former-Member, @BeHappy, @cheersquad, wondering how everyone is going today  ??

Hope all is ok

[cheersquad]

@Shaz51 have you had a chance to look after yourself lately take some time out for you?

[cheersquad]

@Shaz51 I'm good my husband is mostly well and my trust levels are good. I am active in things for me outside of the home and have mostly found balance. Get out of kilter sometimes. Most of our relationship challenges are the normal stuff and provided I deal with them with care things work out well. How are you going?

[Shaz51]

good point @cheersquad, no ,not yet , it is a bit overdue i think

thankyou , i need to remind myself

[Shaz51]

Hello @cheersquad, how are you ??

everyday is one day at a time , how about you

Hello @zipper, @Violet, @Former-Member, @BeHappy, how are you , how is your easter going

[cheersquad]

@Shaz51, Thanks for asking. I've had better days. He is not well today and I have been angry at him which makes it worse. Holidays are never fun on days like this. Sure he will be fine tomorrow but doesn't help today. Have this nagging feeling at the moment that I am being held back in life because of his challenges. It's not rational but just how I feel.

Hope everyone else is making the most of the Easter break.

Thanks for listening. Ironically your message couldn't have come at a better time.

Cheersquad