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Re: Understanding BPD

Thanks for the kind words @Beekind.

I to have friends & family very opinionated but I now don’t worry about them because they don’t know the full story behind her actions.
It’s difficult because when her walls are up she’s pushes me away & I’m guessing because she doesn’t want to get hurt, but then when we are in a good place she’s extreme which messages about how much she loves me & all that stuff which I feel I’ve got to reply to others wise she thinks something is wrong...

Re: Understanding BPD

You're right that they don't understand as well as we do, it's something I should really start to remember myself.

Has she had a history of being hurt a lot?

Re: Understanding BPD

Hi , I have BPD ( Although I am mostly recovered)..you seem to have a very good understanding of how BPD can affect someone. When in the thick of the illness,.we do all kinds of things to avoid being hurt or abandoned . Especially when we start to develop feelings for someone..Yes, going away , overseas would probably be very threatening, for one, we don't trust easily. She might also feel abandoned..
If I'm honest, a person with BPD can be the most caring, empathetic person around BUT we can flick like a switch when we feel threatened. We might go in to survival mode and turn against you.
Also, yes, it can be hard to convince a person with BPD that your feelings are sincere. You really need patience but I guarantee you, if you prevail, you will probably find the most loyal, loving companion...of course, not everyone is exactly the same though..this is obviously a generalisation...

Re: Understanding BPD

Hi @Beekind I hope your doing well.
Sorry just getting back to your question now.

She has been hurt in the passed from her ex husband but long term from her Mum & Dad growing up but never thought anything of it until later in life which triggered BPD. She is so afraid I people abandoning her that she try’s to be someone she’s not..basically try’s to hard.
It’s an constant battle to be careful about what I do or say just so she doesn’t take it the wrong way or over think it.

Re: Understanding BPD

Hi @ComplexityQueen. Thanks for your reply. Your insight is really important and I'm glad to be able to hear from you. I certainly agree with you on that BPD sufferers can be very loving and empathetic - this is what I have experienced with my loved one.
I have definitely come to appreciate how crucial the issue of abandonment is for those with BPD. Do you feel that this 'survival mode' may include going back into an old (and not so good) relationship in the face of their current partner going overseas?

Re: Understanding BPD

Hey @Beekind . Thanks for your kind words.

Sorry for the very delayed response. To answer your question, although I can't say one way or another for certain because I don't know the girl, it sounds like she is probably most comfortable in a more unhealthy relationship because she knows what to expect. There is too much to lose and too much too fear in a healthy relationship with a decent person.

Re: Understanding BPD

helllo @Beekind , @Met1 how are you today xxx

sooo glad you are here @ComplexityQueen Heart

Re: Understanding BPD

Hi @Shaz51  I’m going well thanks. How’s things your end?

Re: Understanding BPD

one step at a time here my friend @Met1 

my husband has bipolar 11 and other diagnosis , every day is different

Re: Understanding BPD

That must be tough on you @Shaz51  it’s hard every day & on top of that you need to juggle your own life.

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