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โ30-08-2020 03:01 PM
โ30-08-2020 03:01 PM
Struggling with partners depression
Hi All,
I am new to these forums and hoping to get some support and guidance as I feel very lost and deflated in my situation at the moment. My partner of 10 years struggles with depression and has had two major depressive episodes over the last 2 years including suicidal ideation and self harm. When things get really bad for him he drinks a lot and uses drugs in his words โbecause he isnโt doing anything wrongโ but upon reflection he admits itโs self-medication because he canโt cope with his feelings. But as a result of this self medication he has lied and broken my trust over and over in an attempt not to hurt me, but wanting to continue using and drinking. He is well linked into a psychologist and psychiatrist and is still taking anti-depressants. When he is well and in a clearer head space we talk a lot about things that have happened and what be both needed in those times. For him, he feels he needs his space when he is low to work it out himself and get himself right, and for me I have told him I need openness and complete honesty because the trust is broken. He has recently fallen into a bad patch over the last two weeks with amounting stressors of financial, work and friendship stress. I can feel him growing more and more distant, I try to help him and said I am worried about his increasing isolation, and encouraged him to try and talk to someone (even if itโs not me)โฆEvery time we try and do something nice separate to talking about him and his mental illness I just get angry and frustrated because thereโs amounting concerns we just arenโt address, so I struggle to be in the moment and connect in the relationship. He has been drinking and using drugs a lot and only telling me in retrospect, which I donโt classify as open and honest behaviour but itโs hard to put anything on his plate right now when he โcanโt copeโ and has said โhe canโt deal or think about anything right now.โ He has just asked for space to sort himself out and some patience on my behalf. It is so hard and exhausting, I am trying to do the right thing but I donโt know how or what to do, particularly when my needs in the relationship arenโt being met.
Hoping to hear from anyone else supporting a partner and any suggestions they may have as well as just general support. Sometimes you can feel so alone like youโre carrying the whole relationship.
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โ01-09-2020 03:07 PM
โ01-09-2020 03:07 PM
Re: Struggling with partners depression
I don't have a partner who has mental illness
.It is my son . However i do know it is so important to look after yourself. Especially when you are the carer for someone else. In this times of covid we have restrictions , but maybe you could get in contact with friends and family , just a chat and a laugh goes a long way . It is really hard to trust someone who is not always honest with you. I know this is the case with my son, I may not always have trust, but I try to hang onto hope. And I hope for you better times
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โ03-09-2020 01:56 PM
โ03-09-2020 01:56 PM
Re: Struggling with partners depression
i'm sorry to hear of your struggles with this. you are a loving and caring partner, even if his depression is making him a bit of gritty hard work.
he is pushing away support, maybe because he knows you and how you operate. have you been in touch with his friends? he might start to talk to one of them if he has some, and maybe they can steer him towards him seeking help.
i don't know how you'd go just making an appointment for him with his gp, if they're supportive with him..? would he go? at least it's a setting in which he can be expected to talk about how he's feeling.
sorry i don't know the answer. i hope you both go well and find your way through this together.
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โ11-09-2020 08:20 AM
โ11-09-2020 08:20 AM
Re: Struggling with partners depression
Hello ๐
I am also caring for my partner and have come to this forum to chat with people in the same boat.
Thank you for sharing your story. Helps me realise I am not alone.
Unfortunately I don't have any advice or healing words for you as I am new to this..but I CAN say that you are not alone. Am sure you are worn down like I am, so I hope you allow yourself things that bring a smile to you. Sending you hugs.
Cheers
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โ15-09-2020 08:22 PM
โ15-09-2020 08:22 PM
Re: Struggling with partners depression
Hi ,I to am a carer for my partner of 28 years
He didn't always suffer from depression,but the black dog has been around for about 22 years now and it's gotten so much worst
I try my best I have 2 son's who lives are you pretty well don't really include us ,I'm just holding on to them ,as he just keeps pushing them away
We have 4 Grand children that we can't,2 we see when they allow us,and th ee other 2 ,my ex daughter in law had taken them off us and our son
He has just had another hip op
His had all his joints replaced and suffered more pain than most people yes his done it tough
I live him to bits ,but I'm so tired of the sadness,negatively I can't seem to make him smile anymore ,I'm so lost feel my family had slipped away and I can't do a thing about it
I try but I'm the only one trying
Feeling very alone and empty
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โ15-09-2020 09:44 PM
โ15-09-2020 09:44 PM
Re: Struggling with partners depression
Hey @CAS1 welcome to the forums. I'm one of the moderators, just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so alone. I'm sure that you'll find heaps of supportive folks here who will relate to what you're going through, and we mods are always around if you have any questions or just looking for some extra support.
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โ16-09-2020 02:52 PM
โ16-09-2020 02:52 PM