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Mylesh
Casual Contributor

Need to vent

Hello everyone, it’s been a few weeks now since I last posted but we are officially homeless, we are staying in a tent and I feel like I just need to vent 

 

I never thought I would be in this situation when I was growing up, I had such hope and ambition for a happy life, since I met my partner I had hoped the same for her and tried my best to help her get on her feet so we could be happy together, but I have lost all my friends and family and the last safe space we had is now gone, we both have no one now. My partner is struggling to hold down a job because her bpd is very intense at the moment and she’s having episodes at work, I lost 2 jobs due to the companies going broke, the last job I lost because I accidentally harmed someone with an excavator I was operating, I couldn’t stay focused and I caused an injury to someone else because i was stressed. I started a new job on Monday but im not sure if it’s going to pay enough to keep us off the streets

 

im quite lost now and I feel hopeless, I still have some fight left but im worried I may not have the strength to keep going, my partner has got to the point where she harmed herself because I was hesitant to skip a que and push in at the Mc Donald’s drive through which I ended up doing when I had the room but by then it was too late

the hardest thing I’ve found is when you try so so hard to help someone but everyone around her makes her so much worse.. then I’m on the receiving end of her hurt, she seems to take it out on me which I understand, but it’s still hard you know, I’m only 25 and I’m struggling with the transition into becoming an adult as it is but I’m worried I’ll never become the man or partner I want to be because I’m loosing all my strength, cheers Mylesh

 

ps. Due to housing crisis in vic and emergency housing is filled to the brim we haven’t been able to get a house

 

6 REPLIES 6

Re: Need to vent

Thank you for sharing @Mylesh .

 

I’m so sorry about your situation. Sounds so hard. Have you been able to get Centrelink?

 

I have BPD so I know how intense things can be. As much as I’m ‘recovered’, I still have BPD flare ups where I lose the plot. It’s not pleasant, let alone in the workplace.

 

In a way, I feel a little guilty because I do have a spare property in which no one is living. It’s been vacant for three years now. I go there each fortnight to tend to the garden and mail… that’s about it.

 

People have asked many times why I don’t rent it out. The simple reason is, I don’t want the house trashed. Since covid, landlords have a lot of restrictions in place about not raising rents, not asking tenants to leave….etc.

 

That’s my fear. 

I know my post doesn’t help your situation, but it really does make me think that I should rent it out just to help someone. But how can I ensure the place is looked after?

 

 Any thoughts on this @Mylesh ? I’ve never rented out my properties before. It’s all new to me. Fear is holding me back. And I’m not one who just wants $$$. So I just leave the properties there.

Re: Need to vent

Hey @BPDSurvivor 
Hmmmmm, I would probably be feeling the same if I was in your shoes. it’s a bit like running the gauntlet, you might get some really good ones, some really bad ones or something in the middle. if I was to lease the property I would take extra steps to ensure that you are confident in the tenants abilities to look after the house (I’m not sure how you would do this sorry 😓)
But if you could help someone who needed it that would be a generous thing to do, just make sure you own stability isn’t affected to greatly, cheers 👍🏼

Re: Need to vent

Hello @Mylesh 

 

I am so sorry you are going through all this hardship when even work will not be enough to keep you off the streets.

 

I was impressed by your statement:

"the hardest thing I’ve found is when you try so so hard to help someone but everyone around her makes her so much worse.. then I’m on the receiving end of her hurt, she seems to take it out on me which I understand, but it’s still hard you know, I’m only 25 and I’m struggling with the transition into becoming an adult as it is but I’m worried I’ll never become the man or partner I want to be because I’m loosing all my strength,"

 

I really hope you persevere with your positive relationship with yourself no matter what happens re work, homelessness or your relationship.  

 

I know what it is like to be at the receiving end of someone else's hurt and acting out, who I did genuinely love and care for.  It is important to have some boundaries, and carrying on when driving and telling the driver what to do when that person is unwell, is crossing some serious boundaries in my mind, regardless of any diagnosis.  It is in her best interests to learn better impulse control and distress tolerance. Getting stressed about fast food queues is not a good enough excuse for pressuring you.  A long time ago, I would jump to the defence of anyone with various mental health diagnoses, but fingers and more burnt. We also have to be careful not to enable them and use a diagnosis as an excuse not to grow in full maturity.

 

I was also impressed you could see things from @BPDSurvivor's landlord point of view, when you could have become very triggered by your own pressing needs ... from the bottom of the Maslow hierarchy of needs.  Essentials.  

 

Please take care of yourself, we need more good empathic men in the world, including one's who can drive heavy machinery. 

Re: Need to vent

@Myleshthanks very much for sharing. I can see it's a tough situation, and you're obviously caring very much for your partner.

 

The part about being distracted in your own life - can relate. I've gone into anxiety and panic through similar episodes. Yet it's a credit to you that you remained eloquent and still have that fight in you. I hope that continues.

Re: Need to vent

Thanks for sharing Mylesh.

I don't know what it like being homeless. I have spent christmas and new years in psychiatric ward, because I had no home to go to, but then I lived with crisis accomodation. I moved from there to sharing house with 3 ladies, when I moved in for weeks I didn't have food to eat. I sort out emergency relief for food.
Now I'm living with my partner we're engaged and I'm studying in Certificate 3 in Business at TAFE.
You will get better. Be strong you will get there. 🙂

Re: Need to vent

Have you been to salvation army? My partner was homeless years ago, he sort out the salvos they helped him
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