Lived Experience Forum

[tonys]

Thankyou @tyme   I'm good mate,  always  happy at the typewriter. Was actually pretty worried when 

@Doldip15 's post surfaced so did a quick,  're model'.   Hope that's ok.

I do hope you are well too @tyme , I spare you the tag, thinking you've probly seen too many of my life boats, but I always think of you.     Kind thoughts to you  Thyme..

Hi @Jynx .  You already know what I'm going to ask .  Perhaps a week or so here, and then please

my friend..  My usual room at your establishment please..

                                                                                                                      An always grateful tonys..

[tyme]

Awwww @Lila3 ,

I'm so sorry to hear. 

I can agree with being none the wiser after hospital visits. I was told I had BPD. So I asked what I can do about it? They said "mindfulness"... I'm like... "thanks" and left....

I battled on my own and carried the stigma of BPD for many years before finally getting the support i needed.

I'm here for you. I've only just sent a few BPD groups to other members if you are interested.

[Doldip15]

Hello @Lila3 

Abuse does that to you hey! Leaves you soul empty with no one to trust until you find that trusting animal! For me it was any animal- the frilled lizards who inhabited the garden, the mice who stole the chicken food, the feral cats who gave birth to their kittens in our back yard too! Longed for one to stay as a pet! Dad did his best to destroy the mice and if he succeeded ever I would give the poor little body a proper funeral in a little coffin of whatever I could rally! The kittens would get tamed by frequent handling and advertised by Mum as some exotically rare breed so always went to homes and we were again left with no pet except the frilled lizards who would freeze on your arm if you managed to catch one! A rewarding relationship in deed! And then we got Guinea pigs! Wow! Now there’s a soft cuddly rewarding pet! Hours of satisfaction teaching them school, how to line up and march through the garden (really just running to hide from demon children) and how to sit at table and eat politely (we were good at pretending). 
loved those little animals! Of course Mum always knew when they’d be taken to bed! Nothing more incontinent than a Guinea Pig! We didn’t care but Mum did! As you say- something always to be in trouble for! My granddaughter did not want her Guinea Pigs so I was happy to take over care of her little pigs! A good memory and one I forgot to thank her for much later in life! Forgot about little pigs! Until your post about getting lost in the eyes of dogs! I wanted one so badly! Had one much later in life- a beautiful dog who always greets you as someone they love, wants to be near you, takes every word you say as Gospel, walks everywhere with you, is grateful for every Titbit thrown his way and even though as tall as your upper leg, wants to cuddle into your lap for companionship! I miss him too!

im sorry your childhood was so lonely and full of disapproval because even if we forgive one day, it never cures the heartfelt harm and inner loneliness that stays, recurs, and causes us to look inward with doubt! And when advised to love myself- well I know that’s not going to happen because I can’t define love or the experience of love, simply because it was denied from earliest experience and memory! So I try positive things like making cards (any like birthday, Christmas, anniversary, best wishes, etc) simply because making something nice makes you feel better anyway! I think they’re nice and gave 6 of them to a friend to give for Christmas and received in return a critique on how to improve them! I’ll send her a gift card next time! 
hang in there is all I can say! I wonder why sometimes but I’m still hanging in there! 
hope you find a warm dog to cuddle and someone to share your tears and maybe, just maybe, hope will bring one or two of those warm fuzzies you read about that do touch our soul!

[Doldip15]

Thanks @tonys 

i just so love your writing- I could read what you write all day! I’ve been at appointments and oh to be so depressing- funeral planning in case they’re right and I’m in the last stages of life! Denial suits me better but I’d rather be safe and prepared and no one can complain and if I live to be the age of Mum and Dad then I can say “I told you so” to these negative people making dire predictions I don’t support! I’ve always been a great believer in Murphy’s Law- the full version- and the way I see it- prepare in detail and distribute to everyone and you won’t need it for quite some time! Stay in denial and Oops! Everything will go wrong and you won’t have time to fix it! 
but seriously @@Tony’s you have such a beautiful way with words I could stay up all night reading your posts! 
I would love your talent 

keep looking after your inner soul and stay kind to you!

@Doldips15

[Lila3]

Thanks @doldip. I'm doing pretty good.

But I do like to reflect, ponder & revist those turbulent memories. It reminds me... I made it here. A long ride. Nahh send another of those cards lol

[Doldip15]

Hey @Lila3  I tried to post a photo but that didn’t work either! Not good at this

[tyme]

Hey @Doldip15 , is it because your photo exceeds the amount of MBs? Or is it because there's a yellow triangle that appears in place of your pic?

[Doldip15]

Nothing appears usually! One said too many megabytes so I chose less but the others- pick 2 and still nothing so don’t know what I’m doing wrong 

[tyme]

I have that issue too @Doldip15 .

So what I do is take a screen shot of the photo and shrink it small on my phone and then send it 🙂

[Doldip15]

Thanks @Thyme 

I’ll try that but have to get off these paining feet right now!

I’ll let you know if I have a win!

@Doldips15