Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[MissSour]

Hi all I'm new here and will introduce and give my full story at a better time not 2am when sleepless with worry!! I have a question about meds, my neighbour has a long history of depression has been on meds for years, he is an 10 year clean addict but 3 weeks ago due to circumstances (for another time) had a psycotic episode and I found him trying to self harm we have been on a rollarcoaster since and I have been his support and have been taking him to his doctor, his Dr prescribed another medication which he tried to OD on by taking all at once so doctor wanted him commited but he refused, he has now been prescribed a stronger medication which the doctor til him was to be given to me to control, he lied to the doctor and pretended to ring me. Luckily I rang the doctor as I was worried about him having such medication and doctor said either I take control of it or he will commit him. I have his meds now but today he had another appointment and came home and said he has to increase the dose from 1 to 2 then to 3 over the week. Considering his history and me having control of his medication wouldn't the doctor ring me to tell me? We have become very close and have a tight trust as he has never ever had someone support him like I have these last weeks but he came back from doctors feeling let down by the system and said I don't need to call the doctor and to give him some space... What do I do? Is it my duty of care to call the doctor to make sure the dosage has changed. If I do and he lied just to get the meds back should he be committed or does he just want to remove the control I have? He has no family here to support him, I have only known him a year, we have been intimate on occassions (now am aware the ADs have robbed him of any libido.. I have made it clear I'm supporting him as a friend only no ill intentions) Am I his carer and do I have a right to be in contact with his doctor? I will there whatever it takes but I feel I'm pushing the line a bit and I don't want to scare him off. If he dosnt have me he has no one and I'm scared he will do the worst 😞 Also I am a single mother on a single parent pension.. All this over the past three weeks meant I missed work and now have to show I have been jobseeking (obviously its the last thing on my mind) can I see his doctor for a carers certificate? Thanks in advance there is alot more to the story but that will fo for now

[Mojo]

Hi Miss Sour,

Welcome to the forum. I am glad that you have found us and feel comfortable in sharing your story.Your neighbour is very fortuntate to have such a kind and caring person to support him. You said you have spoken to his Dr on a previous occassion and the Dr has put you incharge of administering his meds,If you are concerned about his dosage and for your peace of mind it may be a safer option to call his Dr and explain the situation that you have found yourself in.You could also  ask the Dr if there are  other organisations out there that can support you and your friend, so you don't have to do it alone.

The great thing about this forum is there are amazing people out there who are caring and willing to share there  experiences and offer positive support.

Take care, Mojo. 

[Hobbit]

Hi @misssour,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. What a difficult situaion you are in here!! I can see you are just trying to be the best friend that you can, and I really commend you for that. 

And on top of everything, you are a single mum on a pension and trying to hold down a job! I really feel for you.

I can't really give you any advice as to whether you should talk to his doctor, but I was wondering, do you have any close friends that you might be able to talk to about this? Also, perhaps you might like to try contacting Carers Australia and see what they have to say. You can find their website here.

The thing is, you have done an excellent thing by coming onto these forums. There are a lot of people here that are very welcoming and can offer you some really good support.

Does anyone have any ideas for @misssour? @PeppiPatty @kristin @Rick @Alessandra1992 ?

Keep posting here MissSour - you will find it worthwhile.

Hobbit.

[MissSour]

Thanks for your replies, I made a big mistake though posting here and have lost his trust 😞 I didn't think he would be reading these forums. I'm going back to just being his trusted person if he will let me in again 😞 So heartbreaking when all you want to do is help someone you care about so much

[Louise]

 I hope things are going ok for you. I don't think it was a mistake to post on here. You didn't mean any harm. It's ok to ask for help and advice, and it's ok to ring the doctor too. When your neighbour is feeling better, I bet they will realise you didn't do anything wrong

[MissSour]

Hey guys just an update my neighbour has cut me completely off.. Due to me being put in a very dangerous position (nothing to do with my neighbour just wrong place wrong time) I was at the police station on an evening I agreed to take up some more of his meds, I sent a text to let him know (he had enough for that night) and he seemed fine about it and replied with a sincere 'i hope you get it sorted' message, the next day I stupidly sent a venting text as I was so upset and overwhelmed with my situation, the text was intended to be an 'us against the world.. Why do bad things happen to good people' type message but as I found out from his reply it was not received that way and he abused me, told me to give him back all his medication, that he does not want any friends and to never contact or message him again, he made it very clear in capital letters that he wanted to be left alone. I tried to call him and he wouldn't answer so I snapped 😞 all the pressure I was under, the severity of the situation I was in and then this from him was just too much and I let him know it in a horrible nasty reply 😞 😞
Now he has no one.. Not a single person to support him. I tried to contact his sister via facebook but she has not read the message yet (I figured he already hates me he cant hate me anymore for contacting her) He has revoked my right to consult with his gp and its now been 3 weeks and nothing.
Today is my birthday I'm about to start my cert 4 in mental health I have started working at a medical centre and the one person who changed my life and made me want to pursue this as a career isn't here to share it with.. I failed and I lost big time

I don't know where to go from here?
I sent a text 2 days ago.. A simple "I'm sorry, I don't want to be your friend but I don't want to be a stranger either" and nothing, no reply.
I know in his head he thinks he is being cruel to be kind and that pushing me away is setting me free.. He dosnt have to be a burden anymore if no one is there for him.
If only he realised how much heavier the burden is now, the guilt I feel, the loss, the heartache. I miss my soulmate... Its like a part of me is missing 😞

[NikNik]

Hi @MissSour 

How are you? Has there been any developments since you posted? I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you. It sounds like you geuinely care for this person and you have been going above and beyond for them.

The misunderstanding of your text could be the illness talking. It's sad that mental illness can twist meanings and make people react in ways that is self destructive.

You haven't failed. Far from it. You have offered support and been there for him. You can't force people to take what you have offered ( ie: you can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink etc etc). It sounds like you have helped him a lot already - you have done an amazing job.

This in no way is a relfection on you. It's most likely, a reflection of his illness.

It sounds like you're a very warm, naturing and caring person. We can see that just through your posts. It sounds like it's time to focus on you for a bit. I hope you had the opportunity to actually celebrate your birthday. Also, starting a new course can be very exciting. It sounds like the perfect fit for you!

I know many members here have struggled with the person they care for not wanting to be cared for. It's sadly common.

How have other members managed with situations like this?

Nik