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Catsgirl-78
Casual Contributor

Hi there

Hi there, 

 

I’m new here. I’ve come across this forum and hoping I can chat to people who are going through similar experiences. I’ve been supporting my husband through a number of mental health and physical health issues for a number of years. It would take me a long time to explain everything but as a top line summary he has severe depression, BPD, has had ketamine infusions (and he feels he gets a lot out of these but there’s some pretty confronting side effects for his family when he’s on it), fibromyalgia, PTSD. He also has a lot of childhood trauma from a narcissistic mother. 
 
Sometimes it just feels like a very lonely place…it feels like the rest of the world has a partner who is well and can get up in the morning and work and do all the ‘normal’ things. Whereas I am juggling so many balls in the air…getting our young daughter ready for school, managing all of the household chores, managing my own job, my own elderly mother who is on her own and her significant health issues. It just feels so lonely at times…and sometimes I feel like I’m the silent victim in this space. It also affects my wellbeing but I just have to keep going to keep my family afloat. 


I’m not here to feel like it’s a ‘pity party’ story. Sometimes it would just be nice to know that I’m not the only one going through this kind of stuff. And have a friendly person to share similar experiences with. Thanks for listening 😊

14 REPLIES 14
Kyle1
Senior Contributor

Re: Hi there

Good morning, @Catsgirl-78 

Hope the weekend is of some reprieve for you...

Welcome to the Forums. 🙏

Re: Hi there

Hi @Catsgirl-78 

So much of what you share resonates for me 😔

 

This thread on my families journey may help you to feel not so alone.

 

It does often feel like a lonely road to walk.

Happy to answer any questions if it helps.

 

We are in settle in mode here with my Darling (wife) fresh home from.a 3 week stay in hospital. 

ClockFace
Senior Contributor

Re: Hi there

@Catsgirl-78 

 

That resonates with me significantly.

 

Im caring for my sister with MH and PH issues. My Mum doesnt come out her room, but Dad mainly looks after her. Dads active but Lymphoma. I have a range of MH and PH issues of my own. We all live together

 

I get basically no support tho Dad visits my sister. Its really lonely trying to help my sister who is in hospital after another suicide attempt. While recovering from a psychotic episode and now dealing with severe depression and spinal surgery. 

 

Is SA there is Carers SA, its the offshoot of a nationwide Carers support service, something  for you, not your husband. I know your thinking where do I get the time for that, but for your sake and your families sake Id suggest you make the time BPD alone would be hard to deal with. 

Added to that you would likely benefit from your own psychologist to help you keep your head above water. 

 

Im in the process of doing all this myself. Its really lonely, and hard. 

Feel free to comment back, Im happy to chat further

Re: Hi there

Feel for you.
It is a very lonely place at times and you wonder how you will find the strength to get through it all.
Somehow, we just do…

Years from now, you will realise the qualities it taught you, in being so much more understanding and compassionate for others who are struggling. Probably a bit raw right now though.

You are not alone. Many are walking the same path silently, trying to hold on ❤️‍🩹.

Big deep breath. You have to look after yourself first, or you’ll be no help to anyone. It’s not selfish, it’s compulsory to our survival.

You are not responsible for your husbands actions and can only offer to listen and support.

Be kind to you!

Welcome to a group of ‘pity partyiers’. We hear you!…..

Re: Hi there

Thank you so much for the support, it’s just nice to know I’m not the only one going through this. It so often feels like that. Thank you for checking in and telling me to look after myself, it definitely is something that doesn’t take priority and I need to get better at it. 
It’s such a roller coaster living with someone with depression….you can feel like you’re walking on eggshells a lot of the time, never knowing what the mood will be like day to day. Thank you for taking the time to respond and check in on me, it really does mean a lot x 

Re: Hi there

Hi @Catsgirl-78 and @Mez001 ,

 

Great to have you with us on the forums. Hope you are well. 

 

Life can be a battle, but it's one worth battling for! That's why we are here to support each other.

 

Please feel free to tag me into your posts so that I do not miss them! You can type "@" in front of my username and then pick my name from the drop down. That way, I'll get a notification of your posts.

Re: Hi there

Thank you so much for your support and advice, I really do appreciate it. It’s so, so hard. I feel for you too. My husband doesn’t work in any full time capacity, he is a support worker (ironically) for some people on the NDIS but this can also be triggering for him a lot of the time. He has started a uni course and I’m glad as it at least gives him a purpose. As before that he would hardly ever get out of bed before lunchtime. I am concerned about whether he has the capacity to cope with the demands of uni but he’s giving it a go and that’s something I guess. There are still a lot of times when he will miss a lecture or not join a tutorial etc…because he is sore and tired or just doesn’t have the mental capacity. And this can frustrate me a lot…sometimes I just feel like I’m doing literally everything else so the least he can do is give this a red hot shot. But then I feel guilty for feeling that way…I know it’s all of his issues that cause his behaviour but sometimes you do just want to shake them! I know that probably doesn’t sound very empathetic, but I’m probably one of the most empathetic and caring people around…it’s just when this has been going on for years and years…it can start to wear you down at times. Thanks for listening to my vent. Sometimes you just need to get these things off your chest and tell someone 😊

Re: Hi there

Thank you so much for your response. Sorry for the delay too, I’ve been juggling school holidays and working and the usual challenges with my husband so it’s been a bit hectic. 
This might be a silly question but how do I follow your forum? Sorry I’m still working out how to navigate this platform. Thank you for sharing your story with me, I look forward to chatting with you more soon. 😊

Re: Hi there

Thank you @tyme ! I’m still working out how to navigate this forum so thanks for the tip 😊

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