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Re: Hi All

Your post makes so much sense @BPDSurvivor . I’m hoping my daughter will see the light at the end of the tunnel also..
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Re: Hi All

Dear @Nells ,

 

I wish you all the best. Although sometimes, in the thick of things, it is hard to see the forest for the trees.

 

 Just tell your daughter to hang in there. There cannot be a victory without first a battle.

 

@Fallen1  How are you going? Thinking of you.

 

Hugs,

BPDSurvivor 

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Re: Hi All

Thank you @BPDSurvivor I always find comfort in your responses. 

 

Alot of what you say resonates with me, particulary in saying that we all have room for growth.

I'm just trying so hard to undestand him, I too have growing to do. I struggle not becoming so reactive when boundaries have been crossed, which escalates the situation.

 

Although there has been slow progress, figuratively speaking, I still find myself in the cross fire alot of the time. We struggle to communicate effectively following an argument and therefore we are never moving forward. It is very draining. 

 

If you don't mind me asking in your experience how long did it take for therapy to work for you? 

 

A

 

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Re: Hi All

Hi and thanks for checking in @BPDSurvivor 

I am doing okay thank you. He is returning back to work soon after being laid off for 3 months. He works FIFO. I'm quite anxious how this will affect our relationship, as in the past I have felt it was never really working for us. I guess time will tell how it will unfold.

 

How is life treating you @BPDSurvivor

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Re: Hi All

Hi @Fallen1 ,

 

 Thank you for keeping me in the loop. 

As for your question surrounding treatment, it took about 14 months for me to finally 'wake up' and realise I wanted a different 'normal'. This was the beginning of me making dramatic changes in my life. I do need to add that there is no set time for therapy to work. Many variables come into play including:

- willingness of the pwBPD and carers to reinforce change

- readiness of the pwBPD

- comormidities

- drug/alcohol issues

- financial/housing stability

 

As for becoming reactive when boundaries are crossed, what I found worked for me was open communication beforehand. This is where actions and consequences are explicitly laid out. For example, "when X is emotionally heightened, I will tell you we will discuss the issue at a later time then give you some space."  @Fallen1 , this is what we find comfort in. To know you are not leaving us. That you are coming back. But you want us to be able to take in what you say. At no point should you be at the receiving end of abuse.

 

 Dear @Fallen1 , I'm not saying it is an easy road, but with targeted therapy, things WILL shift. There is hope. 

Please continue to reach out. It can be draining, hence you can use these forums as an outlet. We are all ears for you.

 

Hugs,

BPDSurvivor

 

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Re: Hi All

Hey @Fallen1 ,

 

I'm doing extremely well. I've got many big hurdles ahead of me, but I'm looking forward to see how I react and come out on the other side. As I've always said, I won't know therapy has worked unless I face adversity. So here's my challenge!

 

He is returning back to work soon after being laid off for 3 months. He works FIFO. I'm quite anxious how this will affect our relationship, as in the past I have felt it was never really working for us. I guess time will tell how it will unfold.

 


As for your post quoted above, can you expand on why you think his job never felt like it worked for you? I would have thought a FIFO job would give you space and down time.

 

Stay strong! Stay hoping!

BPDSurvivor

 

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Re: Hi All

@BPDSurvivor Today I am hanging on by a thread.. Miss BPD has been pushing the boundaries, mother is stage 6 Alzheimer's and although in a home still needs daily visits and contact as she feels abandoned and my partner feels she isn't getting enough time with me (she is right.. I'm so hyper vigilant waiting for the text or call that Miss BPD has Harmed herself again) and did I mention I have to work full time? I just can't seem to get out of this funk at the moment.. Tired of being pulled in every direction...

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Re: Hi All

Dear @Nells ,

 

Sounds like you're in a difficult space.

 

With so much going on, have you paused? Something that sometimes works, although sounds stupid, name five things you hear, five things you see, five things you feel, taste and smell. The aim of this grounding technique is to give you some space/relief from everything that is going on. 

Have you every spoken to Miss BPD about her self-harming actions? It is not sustainable for you to live in a hyper-vigilant state concerning her self-harm. Currently, Miss BPD is getting the reinforcement from you that if she contacts you about her self-harm, she will hear your voice or receive some reaction from you. I used to do this. It was my way of ensuring people were still there and thinking of me. However, I later learnt it has consequences - self harm = medical intervention; otherwise I was told, "if you feel the need to do it, do it, but in a safe way". I was confused by this statement at first, but these very two interventions reduced my need to self-harm.

 

I don't want to ramble, but @Nells , please take care of yourself first. Feel free to respectfully rant and rave as much as you need on the forums.

 

BPDSurvivor

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Re: Hi All

@BPDSurvivor  Tonight we've had a small setback.Regular psych Doc is away till Monday and we thought she would manage till then but though she tried hard the BOD won this time.. It’s been a fight to get her to take her meds the last couple of nights and I am starting to recognise when she is struggling .. will she ever realise she needs them?? She is 24.. when does it start getting a bit easier for her...

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Re: Hi All

Hey @Nells  and @Fallen1 ,

 

Just checking in to see how you are going. It's been a while.

 

Although I'm in lockdown, I enjoyed a lovely walk in today's Victorian sunshine.

 

My thoughts and hope are with you, as carers of pwBPD.

 

Cheers,

BPDSurvivor

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