Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[SallyBowles]

Hi everyone I'm new here. I have an adult son who is telling me he finds no joy in life anymore. He lost a lot of money setting up a business which failed after someone let him down and he has been in a deep depression ever since barely getting out of bed. It doesn't matter what I say or suggest he just keeps on about how everything has pretty much ended for him. He just hates life and everything in it and about it. He was on anti depressants but he went off them as he said they didn't help. I believe he has OCD, ADD, depression and/or anxiety undiagnosed but I can't seem to help him. My stomach churns all day with worry. He hates everything right now and I send him l positive quotes etc.  I just don't know how to help and he doesn't seem to want my help. He's always been bright but a handful and we have clashed. He has never really found a job he likes.  I'm in my 60s and still work and a bit worn out. Can anyone help me understand as it's eating me up seeing him so sad. Thank you.

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @SallyBowles,

Welcome to the Forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. It is nice to have you with us.

It sounds like both you and your son have gone through a lot over the years. My heart goes out to you as I am a carer for a close family member that has a serious mental health diagnosis (diagnosed around 20 years ago). It can be a rollercoaster ride being a carer, it can also be a thankless task in some ways. I think until someone has gone through something like this a person can't really understand how hard, scary and lonely it can feel. It sounds like you have done a lot to help your son. What being a carer has taught be is that at the end of the day everyone is ultimately responsible for their choices. As much as we may want to protect, care, support, change the person we love none of this is doable unless the person want to change / seek help. 

I would encourage you to reach out for support for yourself. Whilst carers are typically giving people they sometimes neglect to look out for themselves and recognise that they too need support. There are three organisations I will list here that you may want to contact for some support / advice:

- Carer Gateway 

- Carers Australia 

- Mental Health Carers Australia 

I agree with your belief that your son should seek professional health for what he is going through. There is a lot of hope and treatment options for people struggling with mental health issues and a lot of support available. Whilst I understand that your son may choose not to seek this help I would really encourage you to seek help for yourself in all this.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather 

[SallyBowles]

Thank you for your reply. I never look upon myself as a carer but I guess I have been. I also have three mentally ill siblings with bi polar and schizophrenia, one has died by suicide. It has been a very stressful life for me going through their endless hospitalizations and drug use. To now have to go through it with my son is devastating. I feel very alone. I will seek help as I'm exhausted.

[Appleblossom]

Hello @SallyBowles 

Hope you are finding some support and able to do self care.  That is a huge load of grief and caring.  I have some similar stories in my life.

Sounds as if your son had drive, vision and creatvity and trust.  A credit to you given all youi have juggled. I find my role as a parent of adult children, it is important to "Hold Hope" for them, while they rest, recuperate and lick their wounds and assess this world which at times can be dog eat dog.  I would not engage too much with despairing conversation, find a way to cope for yourself and still be there for him when he surfaces from his deep dive.  It is also a genuine learning experience that this world aint all peaches and cream. Hope you both come through.  You are welcome to chat on my Fragile thread on Lived Experience side of forum.