Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[hopeful1]

Hi. I am the very proud fiancé of a wonderful person who has a lot of complex issues. We have been together for nearly 2 years and only 4 months into our relationship my fiancé was hospitalised. Since then he has had x2 hospital admissions and almost fortnightly sessions with his psychologist. It was only 2 weeks ago that his psychologist raised the idea that he may in fact have Bipolar. So once again we are going through a tough time with medication changes and more appointments with specialists. To add on top of this he has a very unreasonable ex with whom he has a child. This does not help as you can all well imagine. Sometimes I find myself in the middle of a very chaotic world and want to run away and then I feel guilty for feeling this way. Does anyone else feel this way? Hoping to make some good connections here as most of my friends and family don't really understand what it's like sometimes. <br>Hope to hear from some of you soon.<br>:)

[melody]

totally understand the feeling of wanting to run away.

hopefull some of the longterm members here will have some more practical suggestions for you, but just wanted to say "hi" and "I get it" 🙂

[hopeful1]

Thank you Melody 🙂

[NikNik]

Hi hopeful1,

I think many people can relate to a few things you mentioned here! The turbulence of recovery, diagnosis, medication etc etc. I'm sure others have similar stories. Have you had a look around other threads (particularly "Our Stories" & "Something's not right")? Maybe you could pick up some tips and read others stories.

The other part that I know A LOT of members can relate to is that sense of guilt. I have seen it mentioned a few times in the forums. Feeling that sense of wanting to run away is completely normal reaction to a stressful situation, particularly if you feel like it's chaotic and not controllable.

When you feel like this, it's really important to look after yourself. Self care is talked about extensively here in the forums. The Discussion Topic "Looking after ourselves" contains really great strategies and ideas on how to take care of yourself & how important it is to make YOU a priority.

It sounds like you're really there for your fiance and that takes a lot of emotional strength, patience and support. All of this is exhausting! You shouldn't feel guilty for how you feel at all.

[JT]

Hi hopeful1, welcome to the forums.

Most definitely relate to the wanting to run away.  I care for my sons and I remember how guilty I felt the first time I got the urge to walk out the door and just keep going.  I don't feel so guilty a decade down the track - now I see it as knowing I'm still alive!  I have bipolar myself and trust me, I've wanted to run away from me over the years too 😉  I think my kids are amazing for sticking with me and I'm sure your fiance feels the same because you are.  

Do you get a chance to do things just for you?  Not sure where you are but there's the Mental Illness Fellowship, Arafmi, Carers and others in every state.  Ours have carer coordinators that run workshops, do support groups and offer one on one support for carers.  

[Fatima]

I would recommend the workshops run by MIND for carers, and I think there is a support group for people caring for a person with bipolar. I recently attended one called Challenging a Behaviours which gave me done strategies for how to deal with my daughter who suffers from schizophrenia. Also never feel guilty about the situation you find yourself in. It can often be very consuming and you can find yourself sucked up into all the irrationality of mental illness. To be an effective carer you need time for yourself to keep a sane and rational perspective on the whole situation. Don't expect your partner's ex to be at all sympathetic as she has probably expected your partner to behave like all the other fathers.

[ivana]

CHOOSE not to feel guilty,but at the same time don't “run away“.
Accept that its okay/natural to sometimes feel this way and the important thing is that you didnt follow through.
Accept that you dont have to be perfect or be able to fix things all the time etc..
Don't let yourself be put in the middle of your fiancés situation with his ex....ever.
It might seem hard but its doable.
Never say anything negative about her and if your fiancé tries to use you as a “sounding board“ regarding their issues tell him it is between him and her.
You're doing a good job.
It sounds like you need to get some help managing your stress levels.
For some people that might involve getting regular facials/massage,others might see a therapist,others might get stress relieve though social activities such as support groups or joining the gym etc...

[Used2Be]

Welcome Hopeful! I like your chosen name: its how we all should be, even in the most difficult of days. Hopeful.

[Hobbit]

Hi Hopeful1,

How are you going?

I hope this thread shows you that we are all here to listen and talk to you and offer any support we can!

Let us know how things are going with you guys. We'd love to hear from you!

Hobbit.