Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Karajade]

Hi all, not too sure where to start.. my partner and I have been dating for 3 years and over the last 9 months he has been suffering with depression and social anxiety. He is too embarrassed to ask for professional help. He has a history of drug use (he hasn't used in a very long time and this is no longer a concern). Due to his anxiety we aren't able to go out and enjoy days or nights out, which I understand and never push this with him but lately it is going beyond this. Everything gets taken out on me, the smallest of things turns into my fault... every single time I ask myself how someone who tells me he loves me more than anything wants to talk to me the way he does. He tells me that he just doesn't understand how someone like me would want to be with someone like him. I can express my love and support to him until the cows come home but he won't budge. I can't stand the thought of losing him and I know it is the illness that is pushing me away but I feel so lonely and lost in a relationship that was once absolutely perfect. Any advice and support would be greatly appreciated.

[Mudrunner]

Hello Karajade

Thankyou for your post and welcome to the forum. 

You mentioned the depression and social anxiety for your partner has developed over the past 9 months, has there been something or a situation that may have triggered this for him?  You mentioned he is too embarrassed to seek help but has he thought or maybe you could suggest seeing a GP for a health check up as this may be the first step towards seeking help. As this is a tough situation for you are you able to seek support for yourself, such as family or friends you can share this with or If you are working does your employer provide free counselling through your EAP provider. Also are you aware of local supports in your area such as community support organisations that may link you into local services. 

You mentioned your relationship previous to the last 9 months was very different. Have you both been able to talk about what has changed and what may be a small manageable thing both of you might be able to start with to assist with moving back towards that previously good relationship both of you had?   

Other contributors on the forum have shared their experiences and also helpful supports, please take some time to look over some of the other threads as you may find helpful tips or ideas in these also. Are there other carers who may be able to respond to Karajade?

Take care

Mudrunner 

[Eagle]

hi @Karajade 

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond to you. I saw your post a short time ago and didn't have the time to write the response you deserve.

Speaking of what you deserve, you don't deserve to be treated the way you have been treated. There is only so much you can pin to a mental illness. If you have been firm with him and let him know that when he blames you and takes things out on you, it really hurts, and then he continues to do it, then I think you need to have a serious think about what your limits are.

Boundaries and limits are essential for your own wellbeing. If you don't have those in place, 5- 10 - 50 years down the track he may be treating you even worse and it's gradually got that way because there's been no boundaries and a limit at where you say 'no, that's enough'.

What is so sad to me when I hear people not willing to seek assistance, is seeing how well people who have seeked help, are. Depression and anxiety can be managed and cured! But the longer it goes on, the harder it is to shake.

It's like, if your car had a flat tire, would you just keep driving the car?

Has your partner acknowledged there's a problem?