Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Corinne1]

Hi there, i am new to this. i am 27 nearly 28 i have been with my husband for 10 years we have a 3 year old and recently had twins. he has been subject to alot of abuse as a younger child and in recent years alot of trauma from his nassicistic mother causing more destress. i have been lost in motherhood and our relationship wasnt priortised. he was triggered 2 weeks ago with a behaviour by his mother and now this has sent him into a sprial of not being happy with me and not sure what he wants anymore. 2 days ago he walked out on me and the kids for space. i am looking at ways i can help support and how i can understand him more so i can communicate with him in the ways he needs. if anyone has been or is going through this your advice would be great. feeling abit lost and broken myself. 

[Jeda04]

hi there

i myself had 3 decades of horrific abuse in my family. Any type of childhood trauma can not be brushed aside for much longer, that you love him dearly and you are so brave to be supporting and reaching out for support for your family. You are so lucky to have him and he is so lucky to have you. if he can talk anything about it to you do it in confidential way until or if he ever wants to never talk about it either try not to push. Let him know you are there no matter what, no judgement and he is not to blame for his past horrific traumas. i would try and get him to start seeing a Trauma Informed psychologist or psychiatrist. Even though i do believe from the sounds of it along with his triggering definitely mother i can only speculate that she was also an abuser whether primary abuser or passive abuser by standing by whoever anyone apart from her son. I would start to limit his contact with her. Another catalyst would also be your children. Alot of that time happens, they remind him of how vunerable small and innocent they are, And then reminds him about how small he was. If you are in Queensland i can give you some resources and good trauma unit to recommend where the staff all understand and practise trauma informed care. But definitely he is very frightened and possibly even having increased flashbacks etc etc 

[Corinne1]

thank you so much for your reply. i have tried to show him i am there without judgement he is very good at keeping it all in i have tried to support him to see someone but he is very much not accepting of that and is soely focussed on his issues being us which is a factor but not the only thing. he returned home last night but with still not much to give and isnt sure what he needs or wants. i am in tassie

[Kyle1]

Hi there, @Corinne1 

There is a very good counsellor available through Hobart City Mission. (If you're anywhere near the south)...

You can search this site and find an email address.

That's what I did and she is very good. Experienced in the issues you've raised, aswell...

All the best.

[Peregrinefalcon]

Hey everyone, just quickly jumping in to remind us all of the anonymity guideline (especially regarding mentioning specific locations). 

All good so far - a friendly reminder just in case 😊

[Mez001]

Hi Corinne

Just wanting to check in and see how things are going for you?

Hope you are getting support and feeling okay.

Many little ones to care for along with your hubby and most importantly, yourself ❤️‍🩹

Regards

Mez

[Corinne1]

Hi Mez

thank you for checking in. its still pretty rough at the moment but hopfully improvement soon. 

💗