Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Feel_Blue]

Hi. I'm new here. Am very much wishing to connect with people who have had a similar experience. My daughter has tried to suicide twice now, the second time so so lucky she didn't succeed. We don't know anyone who has been in a similar situation to us and would just like to see if we can get help or advice from someone with a shared experience of this. Thank you. 

[Anon1975]

Hello.

I am so sorry to hear about your experience with your daughter and what she is going through and what you are going through.

I have tried suicide three times.  I always immediately regretted it.  The last time I tried I told myself I couldn’t keep going on like this irrespective of what I was going through, for the sake of my children and my reputation.

I still get those thoughts at times and always will because I think that I am wired that way.  I have wanted to die since I was 5.  But the want to grow old and grey and die a natural death is stronger.  

for me the most important thing is safety planning, I have no hesitation calling 000 if I feel immediate danger.  I always think of my kids and just speaking to someone to 000 is usually enough to calm down.

I am here to answer any questions you may have.  I can’t imagine what you are going through.  But You are in my thoughts.

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Feel_Blue,

Welcome to the Forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. 

I'm really sorry to read what you, your daughter and your family have been through. I can relate somewhat to what you are going through. Many years ago a close family member attempted suicide on two separate occasions. Fortunately today they are doing well but I will never forgot that time - it was one of the most difficult times of our lives. Watching someone you love go through feelings of suicidality / attempting suicide is an experience I wouldn't wish on anyone. I remember feeling so helpless and confused about what to do / how to help. You want to make things better and help them to stop feeling this way but in so many ways we our hands are tied. 

I would really encourage you to speak to someone as you also need support at this difficult time. I will list a couple of organisations here:

- Carers Australia 

- Carer Gateway 

The SANE Support Centre is also available to support you from 10am-10pm Monday to Friday. We have counsellors and peer support workers available to support you via phone (1800 187 263) or webchat. We also have the SANE Guided services which is our new guided service that provides free digital and telehealth services and ongoing tailored support to people over 18 years of age with complex mental health needs and their families and carers SANE Guided Service. 

I will also add a link to an article around support for families and friends following a suicide attempt Support for family and friends. At the bottom of this article there is a contact number for further support.

I wish you, your daughter and your wider family all the best. This is not an easy road for any of you but there is help and support out there.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather  

[Feel_Blue]

Hi Floating Feather. 

I have some  psychology support and have used Lifeline as well. However, your information here is the best I have received so far. I really appreciate your response and will follow up on your suggestions. You are correct - it is a confusing and helpless time. She is receiving ECT treatment as medication has failed (4 different types now) and seems to be finally seeing some small gains. It's the helplessness of not knowing how this is going to turn out. I also worry that even if if the treatment seems to work, will we (my husband) be walking on egg shells for the rest of our lives wondering if it will happen again. 

Thanks. 

[FloatingFeather]

It is good to read that there seems to be some small gains from ECT @Feel_Blue. I found the best way to cope was to take one day at a time and to celebrate the wins, no matter how small. I think it is also really important to recognise that whilst you are supporting your daughter you also need support. It can be very draining being on this rollercoaster and trying to put on a positive affect for your loved one all the time can be pretty challenging.

I was filled with many emotions during this time - just remember it's okay to feel whatever you feel. Your feelings and emotions are a natural response to what is happening. Whilst I had support and sympathy from good friends at the time until someone goes through what you are going through you can't fully understand how lonely, hard, and confusing this can be. 

Keep reaching out for support - any support is great but I particularly find support and advice from people that have lived experience to what you are going through beneficial.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

PS. A couple of tips to help on the Forums:

Tip 1 - if you want to directly chat with someone on the Forums use the @ symbol and then start typing their name directly after it. A dropdown box should appear, and you then select their name. This ensures that they are notified of any posts you mention them in.

Tip 2 – the most recent posts are the latest page numbers.

[LouiseVictoria]

Hello, I wanted to send you a huge virtual hug as the weight of what you and your family are going through is huge and all consuming.  

Our 16yo daughter has been struggling with depression for the past two years and has expressed ideations since Christmas.  Whilst that is terrifying enough what you are living through is my greatest fear.  I’m so grateful you are reaching out and that you can continue to work to support your daughter.  

We have found the isolation of living with a loved one with mental health issues really challenging.  Nobody knows what they don’t know but f you haven’t walked this path it’s Really hard to understand the all consuming nature of keeping loved ones safe.  It takes over everything.  

I reached out here to look for a connection with those who feel the experience and I hope you find support here. 

take the utmost care.  

[Feel_Blue]

Hi. Thanks for reaching out. Our daughter became depressed in year 12. She was extremely busy and got sick and everytime she got back up something else came along. She was also diagnosed with endemetriosis the year after which explained a lot of things. She had a gap year and attempted 2 uni courses. Again, she kept falling down due to illness or lack of success and it became a pattern. Unfortunately she didn't tell us how she was really feeling deep down until the suicidal ideation really took hold last year and she had her first attempt. (Sorry - hope this is not too much info). It's hard when people don't really understand what you are going through. My thoughts are with you and your family as well. 

Keep in contact if you wish. 

[TideisTurning]

Hey There @Feel_Blue, @LouiseVictoria & others 😊,

I just wanted to stop by as someone who's family has been impacted by suicide bereavement and who has myself experienced suicidal ideation. Firstly, suicide can be such a hard and scary thing to have to confront, both for the person experiencing suicidal ideation (including to the point of attempts) and those around them, particularly their closest loved ones. I want to encourage you both to keep reaching out for support as @FloatingFeather has mentioned, and also commend you for reaching out here.

Apart from that, as hard as it may be, as much as you can, presence can be a huge support/ protective factor. What I mean by that is letting your loved one know, and reminding them, that you are there and willing to talk about what they may be experiencing. knowing with this also, that it is OK, and important, to link them in with other supports, whether that be other loved ones and/or professional/ formal supports such as help lines or more ongoing like a psychologist. As @Anon1975 mentioned too, safety plans can be really good- Beyond Blue have their ‘Beyond Now’ safety planning which appears to be available as an app and on the web as one example that might be useful. Also, keep your eye out for a discussion coming later next month to these forums including content on caring for someone experiencing suicidal distress.

Hope this helps a little, but please keep reaching out to ask any questions you may have and to support each other. All the best & remember to take care of you!

TideisTurning 🌹