Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Dimity]

Kudos to both of you @Shaz51 . Hope you have an easy day tomorrow.

[Owen45]

Yes, I have always been a people pleaser, particularly in the workplace, I am tired of it. All part of mental health issues. 

[AnnaMae1]

Yes and unfortunately.
I guess it was the traditional way I have been raised: don't dare to speak your mind, listen and be condescending.
But working hard these days towards building on my assertiveness.

[Shaz51]

Hello @AnnaMae1 , @Owen45 , @Dimity 

How are you today 

[Dimity]

Thanks for asking @Shaz51 . Hoping for a better day tomorrow. I'm sad because a neighbour cut down the (flowering) red rose, the orangeblossom and the guava. 

Hope your day was OK.

[Dimity]

Sorry, please ignore that last post. 

[Shaz51]

Ohh no @Dimity , sorry to hear about the plants xx

Hope you get some more 

[BlueBay]

I hear you @Owen45

im very much the same way

[Frankly2]

I found only pleased  particular people e.g my dad and my bosses at work.

Worked out it was about not getting the attention /forgiveness from my father and on playing that issue.

So yeah there is always something under the pleasing  

[Faith-and-Hope]

I try to think of it as a bridge.  I enjoy creating blessings in the life of others around me, but a bridge needs and anchor point on the other side as well.  If I am being mistaken for a doormat I continue to respond as politely as I can, but withdraw my efforts re “pleasing”.  

The fall-back is just providing enough energy to tick the common decency box, but nothing more.  It’s setting limits on yourself if the anchor with the other person isn’t there.

That is really hard if there are relationship issues involved, such as a parent who has “trained” you to give them your all with no parent-child boundaries instilled along the way, but that usually needs a counsellor to help

you sort out ……

Hugs to all who need one ….. ❤️