Lived Experience Forum

[Angels333]

Hi @eth @Zoe7 @CheerBear @Appleblossom @greenpea @BryanaCamp @Meowmy sorry if I have forgotten anyone. 

I just wanted to say thanks for the support given over the last 6 weeks leading up to my admission and then the 4 weeks in hospital including an attempt on my life.  Thanks for the support after discharge, particularly @eth 2 days ago I felt the world on my shoulders and SH was dominating me.    I'm still so raw but today I have turned a corner and I think I can beat this thing for now.   I'm giving myself a little dignity and saying no to SH.   My psychologist was amazing yesterday encouraging me to take responsibility.   I know it's only day 1 of feeling like I can control this thing, but I see my Psychiatrist tomorrow.    And I am going to start DBT on the 24th June.   I just need to hold off until then.  

I think I mentioned it earlier in a post  the my 16 yo daughter has started SH so it is crucial that I can demonstrate healing and positive coping strategies.    It's quite emotional for me as I started SH at 16 too 28 years of it.

But mostly this post is a gratitude post to all my friends on the forum who haven't judged me but just offered support.

[Meowmy]

@Angels333 hope you have a nice day.

[BryanaCamp]

hi @Angels333 I'm really glad I was able to give you support through your difficult time, if only a little. I think your expression of gratitude is really lovely.

That's wonderful that you've turned a corner with your psychologist. I know all about taking responsibility for mental illness. It is a huge burden but an importnat adjustment to make. I always felt like the victim (of past trauma) so taking responsibility for my own feelings and mental health and actions was confronting and hard but a good lesson. 

Your 16 year old daughter is very young and still undergoing brain development so you have the opportunity to be a positive role model. I have a 20 year old nephew who is experiencing MI and I am trying my hardest to be a positive impact in his life as I believe personality (and therefore chronic mental health issues) is still forming in the brain right into the late 20's.

[Angels333]

Hi @BryanaCamp thanks for what you said about taking responsibility and for not being the victim it is hard but I know it's possible.   Yes my daughter is very young and impressionable and hopefully I can stay well and show her that wellness is possible.

[eth]

Hi @Zoe7 sorry I didn't reply when you asked how my day was yesterday.  I've been a bit overwhelmed by life on and off the forums the last few days.  The gradual increase in  external pressures over the last few weeks has finally knocked me down.  I am managing by finding off-line things to do quietly when at home because when I'm online I'm acutely aware of a friend I seem to have lost.  Hoping to participate in Topic Tuesday tonight if I last that long (just mean I'm tired).   How are you going?  Good to hear your swelling has reduced.  I imagine you've had plenty of soup the last few days!

Hi @Angels333   you are sounding strong in your resolve and well-supported irl.  I'm very reassured that you felt my support was helpful.  You've been on my mind.  Keep up the good work!   Sometimes being a good role model for our kids is the impetus we need for big change.  I wish you well.

[eth]

Good morning @Zoe7 @CheerBear @Appleblossom @Exoplanet @Adge @outlander @Shaz51 @Teej @Angels333 @Meowmy  and anyone I've missed.  Sending hope to you all that today has some positives.

I have my psychologist and psychiatrist ap't today, which I will go to with a support worker.  And in between do some grocery shopping.  We're going to use the bus to and from the first ap't which will be another practice run.  She gets off the bus 3 stops before me and meets me at the destination.  I hope eventually to walk around to the bus stop and catch the bus by myself, but I'm not sure of the steps between here and there.  It's a big challenge for me as a lot of PTSD triggers potentially (stuff that happened on the bus when I was 13ish).  I still find it really hard to convince myself I'm safe enough to do things like this alone.

[eth]

Reaching out one more time to you @greenpea  I miss you, you've been on my mind a lot.  Hoping ......

[Meowmy]

@eth Hope slowly to work through traumas. Have a good day.

[eth]

Me too @Meowmy    EMDR is helping me.

Hope you have a good day too.

[CheerBear]

Good morning everyone 🙂 @eth, @Meowmy, @BryanaCamp, @outlander, @greenpea, @Angels333, @Exoplanet, @Appleblossom, @Zoe7, @Adge, @Shaz51 and all (sorry - I know I've missed people!). It's been a little quieter than usual in this corner of the forum. How's everyone going?

@eth sounds like a big day for you. I love the steps you're taking carefully to get yourself out and around more. I hope it goes OK or better for you today.

@Angels333 you've been through a lot in the last while and it's great to hear you're feeling like you can get through it. I'm really sorry to hear about that your daughter is having a hard time. I feel so stuck sometimes when my kids are struggling.

@BryanaCamp it's good to see you around more. How have the last couple of days been? I find it hard to keep up here sometimes but am interested in hearing.

@greenpea I am missing your good morning posts here. Are you OK? Listening if it would help (not saying it will or that you need it, but here if you'd like).

I'm feeling a bit tired and drained this morning after a big day yesterday. I think it's a post stress crash maybe and a bit of a brain melt after needing to work hard to concentrate and be onto things for a good stretch of hours. I got through it though and am feeling proud of that. Hopefully I will be able to take some downtime over the next couple of days. I do have to make a trip into the big busy shops (probably the city) which I'm dreading. I'm so not a fan of big, busy places, especially ones I don't know. I'm waiting until the store opens to try and organise what I am getting before I go in to make it as quick and easy as possible. I think this would be where a support worker could be really helpful. Hoping one day soon the NDIS will actually be helpful for me in this way!

That's my rave for today. Sending ❤ to any/all and hoping there's good in the day for everyone.