Hi, me again!
So basically I have a family member who sleeps 9-10 hours a night. I sleep after them and wake up before them. Sometimes during the night, I go to the bathroom and have medications. This is usually only a few times a week but because one of my medications causes stomach upset, it sometimes flares up. Recently, my chronic pain has flared up from numerous factors, one of which being the drama this particular family member causes within the family dynamic. Because of this, I have been having more frequent pain relief.
Because I am disabled, I use a commode chair to transport myself to the bathroom. This family member’s room is adjacent from mine. They do not like the sound my commode makes, regardless of if it’s on carpet or wood flooring and despite a change in commode chair.
They have been criticising me, trying to diagnose me with a bladder problem. I raised their concerns to my GP, psychiatrist and psychologist because my family member suggested I see a urologist. None of them saw my going to the bathroom during the night as a concern. My psychologist said it is unhelpful of my family member to try and diagnose me and create issues where I am not concerned. That should be left to my treating team. She said if you surveyed 100 people, 80 would say they regularly use the bathroom at night.
More often than not, when I get up to go to the bathroom, it is to have medication. My family member said that when they have chronic pain, they just want to lie in bed and do nothing. However, the insomnia program my psychiatrist recommended (due to lack of sleep from chronic pain) encouraged getting up and going to the bathroom or having a snack if you’re unable to sleep for more than 20 minutes. The movement will make you more likely to feel sleepy and staying in bed when you’re not sleeping associates the bed with being awake, making it harder to sleep in future.
Obviously, my family member’s concerns are not really about my health or a possible bladder issue, but rather they’re grumpy because of the inconvenience it poses to them. I discussed with my physio and psychologist, but due to current mobility and mental barriers, we cannot work at getting me more independent with toileting to ease the noise.
The irony is they cause a lot more noise, including screaming across the house and searching for items from 100 years ago at odd hours of the night. I don’t complain because obviously when four people live in a house with different sleep schedules, there is going to be some noise.
Keep in mind, when I need to go to the toilet during the night, I have to wait upwards of two hours for someone to wake up and take me. This particular family member has no role in my toileting. Their behaviour regarding this issue has triggered my symptoms, especially my seizures. They have been causing me a lot of stress and I’m currently hiding in my room from them.
I have a friend who has the same condition I do, and they told me the way I was being treated was abusive and ableist. I’m reluctant to use those terms myself, being that they’re my family member. But what do you guys think? Has anyone experienced this before? And does anyone have any advice or how best to proceed?
