Lived Experience Forum

[Zoe7]

@Sans911 I am just about to head to bed but wanted to stop in and say Hi and I am thinking of you Hon. Sending much love and some squishy hugs 

[Sans911]

Sorry I missed you @Zoe7. I've been helping my friend with her car search again tonight. And I had a course all day which I actually got something out of. It's been a long day. I've followed yours and other's day in bits and pieces.

Goodnight hun. I hope you get some restful sleep.

Goodnight also @outlander @Snowie @Shaz51

[Zoe7]

Sorry I missed you too last night @Sans911 but seems like you had a very long day. Great that you got something out of the course - I know often you find them boring or not informative so great to hear this one gave you a little.

Still helping your friend with finding a car 👍 Hope she finds one soon.

Still plodding along with the sorting here but slowed right down. I should be finished the inside by tomorrow. It rained overnight so can't do anymore outside until everything dries now - and that could take a couple of days - so whilst I would like it all done by the weekend it is probably not going to be the case ...no drama though - I can start sorting out some papers from last year, shred what I need to and file the rest. I also have to do a cleanup of computer files so can do that over the weekend also. Still a lot to do but taking my time atm because I am tired.

On the positive side I am still feeling okay - leg and hip no longer sore and hand healing nicely. Still achey but that is to be expected with everything I have been doing - so 👍 on the whole. 

Will try to catch you tonight but if I don't I hope you have had some good in your day 💖💐

[outlander]

@Sans911 💜

[Sans911]

Evening all

@outlander@Snowie@Zoe7@Shaz51@Teej@CheerBear@Former-Member

I'm just putting this out there. No responses expected. These are just my musings.

It was very much a slow day here. I probably needed to go the library to return my overdue books, but it'll have to be tommorow now.

I did apply for a job though. I've been waiting to see this job for a while now so I was quite excited. It's for a community mh worker. Just casual to start. I had to update my resume and write a cover letter. The cover letter was hard. It took quite a long time. But it's done now, and see what happens next. Im trying to be reasonable about my expectations of getting interviewed.

I've also got a registration interview (next week) with the nursing agency I used to work for almost 3 years ago before they stopped me working. I'm terrified of going back to work, but at the same time I have to do it. I have to start to feel alive again. Maybe I'll discover it's not right for me. But I need to know. And I need to show those other workers who lost faith and trust in me that I can do my job.

So I've had to do a stack of online competencies over the last few days. And there's others that are practical based so I've booked in for those as well at the end of February. I'm not rushing back into work but taking my time and I'll only initially work one day a week. I probably won't start working until March as I've yet to apply for police checks and other things.

I'll still do my volunteer work. That's well established and important. And potentially I'll be returning to studies later in the year so I need to be mindful of maintaining a strict balance so that I don't become overwhelmed again.

I'm feeling a little stronger and settled. The si is starting to fade into the background a bit which is giving me some peace.

I've felt so despondent for quite a while now. I truly felt another attempt was imminent. I just feel in such limbo. Enrolling in studies last year was supposed to get me passionate and interested again. But this damn mi has robbed me of so many things. Motivation, memory, concentration, confidence - to name but a few. And then my physical illness on top. It just felt like I wasn't supposed to get back on top. I was always going to be down. And I can't live like that. And I don't want to rely on medication for the rest of my life.

So I've taken some a couple of steps. I'm always guarded putting this out there for others to see. What if it all falls in a heap?

[Zoe7]

oh wow @Sans911 That is wonderful  It is a major step for you Hon - just getting all the competencies you need is a massive step let alone applying for jobs - SO well done. Even if nothing comes of this one you are dipping your toe back into the job market and that is so very postiive. I understand your apprehensions and concerns if it all falls through but I also have faith that you can not only do it but excel again. Showing those that lost faith in you means something to you but honestly Hon I think it would mean more to just you - when it comes down to it it is only you that you have to show you can do it - other's opinions do not matter. They do not know what you have been through and how hard you have fought to get to this stage - but you know and it is truly inspirational that you have been, and are, going down the work road again. You have made my night Sans and I am behind you 100% 

[Sans911]

I really made your night @Zoe7? Aww thanks. You have such a pure and kind heart. You made my night now too! I've been reluctant to post much for a while now as it was mostly negative. And the same old issues. I was even hesitant to post good things tonight. I wanted to make sure my mind was really turning a corner, even if it was only just getting around the corner. I'm almost afraid of good things happening because it doesn't all feel like they last very long.

Everyone here that I have contact with or read their stories, touches me in some way. Even in their darkest moments. I feel sometimes we are like a band of warriors, silent maybe at times, shouting at other times. But we walk along side each other. We hold one another up when someone stumbles and falls. We cheer with when there is better moments. We are always there for each other.

I've tidied up tonight my messy kitchen, cleaned the cat's water fountain and changed the filter, put on a load of washing, swept the floor, showered and changed my wound dressings and I'm now sitting on my bed relaxing with the cats nearby.

[outlander]

I loved reading your post @Sans911 🙏 im so so proud of you 😍💜

[Zoe7]

I have know you here now for a couple of years @Sans911 and I can honestly say that you have come a very long way. Of course we are going to have our down days (weeks/months) - but that does not mean you have not improved. Your outlook on life is different - even amongst those SI days - you are doing more for yourself as well as others, you have settled into a routine with your volunteering and you continue to provide activities/spaces for others to come together and have that little bit of human contact. Whilst your study did not go according to plan the whole time you still took that leap and undertook it - another step forward. Even if all this 'work' stuff does not come off as you envisage it to be - it really does not matter because you are taking giant leaps forward in your thinking and in your actions. It is truly inspiring following your journey, seeing you fight through the darkest days and still want to be there for others. Hold onto all that you have already achieved and take that forward with you in this new chapter of your life. You can achieve anything you put your mind to because you are one strong, capable and tenacious women ...and I am better for knowing you 

[Sans911]

Thanks lil Sis @outlander 💜 💜 💜