Self-care - Why can it be so hard?

[Former-Member]

@Adge 

If I was going to compile a tool box for you based off your forum posts it would include

- eating regularly and healthy

- yoga

- occasional treats such as fancy cheese, cheesecake, Vietnamese food

-  gardening (is there a local garden group you could join?)

- afternoon tea with neighbour

- tending to your birds

- going on bus trips (?would day trips be viable)

- getting necessary paperwork done

[Adge]

Sounds like a very good Toolbox list @Former-Member Thanks.

Yoga I will hopefully be ressuming (starting again) next week, with my classes.

A Bus Tour Trip of some sort is definitely on the Agenda - when they start again.

Tour trips are all still suspended (not available) at the moment.

My only recent trips to the South-West (3 years ago) - were all Bus Tours.

I don't feel able or willing to drive those distances anymore - so the Tour Buses got me there.

With a bunch of enthusiastic interstate travellers (for company).

I was the only local (or WA person) on those buses (except driver).

Gardening or gardening group - yes need to work on that.

Dating is a high Value or important need, that often gets totally left out of the equation - meeting people is Self-Care (for me).

So that needs more attention & effort.

Adge

[Former-Member]

@Adge

By joining a garden or other interest group (perhaps a bird one) you may be able to meet others and who knows, perhaps that someone special.

[Tay]

I was born in the 60's - I was sent to a private school, I went to Susan Johnston deportment school because it was all about looking good for others - not ourselves.

self care is hard - especially if your a Mum - we always put the children first. 

self care is so important but I understand why we feel uncomfortable doing it. I feel guilty - what right do I have to put my needs first - maybe it was the era I was brought up in.

[Former-Member]

@Tay  I recommend giving that guilt a swift kick out the door. You will feel so much better and more able to cope with some basic self care.

[Former-Member]

Hey @Tay it sounds like you're reflecting on what makes it hard to attend to your needs. I can imagine it's helpful to pinpoint that and see if it's worth challenging?

@Former-Member any tips on how to give guilt a swift kick out the door, it sounds amazing

[Former-Member]

I realised I never jumped in with my barriers to self-care! I think one of them is that I have a very strong sense of what I 'should' do to be okay in the world. While that has been helpful in some ways - I can be disciplined and look after myself if I think it's the 'right' thing to do, the idea of tuning into what I might need at a particular time, especially a hard time, is a skill I'm still developing! Not sure if anyone relates to that 🌻

[Adge]

Yes I can definitely relate to that @Former-Member

Tuning in to what I actually need is a "work in progress"....

Especially as what to do is usually framed around other people (for me).

Okay so Self Care is a Good (or right) thing to do - then maybe I should do some...

Otherwise it gets left out.

Adge

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member  @Tay 

I think the first thing is to remember is that guilt is a moral compass and that at times it is appropriate, in which case making amends and/or apologising will ease our consciences.

However there are ways to get rid of  inappropriate guilt and examining rhe facts behind the emotion can help us do away with it.

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we do our best with the knowledge/skills/wisdom /maturity we have at the time.  As we mature and learn life skills we start seeing things from a different perspective and would now do things differently.  I said many a silly thing in immaturity and ignorance, a couple of which brought me shame once I knew better; these in particular contributed to the growth process.

There is a difference between bad outcomes and deliberate harm. Bad things happen to good people. If we park our car under a tree to get the shade on a hot day and a limb falls on the vehicle our intentions were sensible but we can't stop bad luck.

Are we taking responsibility for things that are not our fault? For example if we ask someone over to visit us and they have a car crash on the way, there is no wrong doing on our part.

You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make them drink.  As we care for our loved ones we can encourage them to have healthy habits and be medication compliant however ultimately they need to take responsibility for themselves just as we need to do so for ourselves. Setting boundaries as well as being a good example taking care of ourselves how we would like them to care for themselves. Eating healthy, looking after our physical health, enjoying hobbies, doing what we can to improve ourselves is far better (and dare I say far less hypocritical) than what is effectively "do as I say but not as I do". We are no less worthy than the person we care for.

Hope these are of help.

[Shaz51]

Yes I can definitely relate to that too @Former-Member 

hello @Former-Member , @Adge , @Tay , @30something