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Looking after ourselves

Eden1919
Senior Contributor

Friend with BPD

Hi i am usually on the lived experience side of sane but i am struggling a little with my friend who has BPD and PTSD. usually i am fine when talking to them but lately i have found myself feeling very triggered about what they say and i am not totally sure why that is. my friend is a good person and they are really struggling at the moment but i have been getting a little frustrated because they say they want help but then will turn around and refuse any help that is offered and then will complain that no one is helping them it is very confusing. they say they dont want to feel the way they do but then will continue with very unhelpful behaviours even when they admit they know they shouldnt do that as it wont help. 

 

i have tried to just be there and listen and remind them they are cared about but at the same time it is triggering for me and where i am at to keep hearing some of the stuff they are saying and i am not sure where to draw the line and when to be compassionate and when i have a right to be frustrated. like i guess it is their life and they can do what they want but then idk what to say when they tell me they are suicidal and about to try and hurt themselves again and they wont call any services for help. that puts me in a hard position like i can encourage them to seek help but that is all i can really do idk it is hard. 

 

am i being unreasonable to be getting frustrated with them should i try and be more understanding of their circumstances? how can i limit myself being triggered without them thinking i am mad at them or abandoning them?

 

thanks to anyone who read all that.  

1 REPLY 1

Re: Friend with BPD

Hey @Eden1919 I'm hearing this is a tricky spot for you. It sounds like you want to be there for your friend but their mental health issues are impacting your mental health. It can be so frustrating when people come to you for support but don't do anything to support themselves. I feel for you, in my experience BPD can be particularly debilitating as there is that need for validation and care from friends or someone and it's that behaviour that tends to push people away. They often don't want to reach out to professional supports or it's harder whatever the reason may be, even though that is what they need. It becomes very hard to be the caregiver all the time. You are being a good friend, it's an exhausting cycle to be involved in. I believe that putting boundaries in place to protect yourself and your own mental health is a good thing. 

I'm sorry we seem to have missed this post, I hope you have been able to get some support during that time. @BPDSurvivor might have some helpful advice. 

How are you doing in yourself these days Eden1919? Sending strength 💝

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