SANE Forums

[Holly1961]

Hello, could anyone give me some tips on how to get out of feeling so lost and alone.  My husband is seriously I’ll and this change in our lives is really hard.

I so need some help

[tyme]

I'm hearing you @Holly1961 . It sounds so hard. You are certainly not alone in feeling this way. Do you have people you can talk to?

[Holly1961]

Thank you for reaching out yes I have friends but they all have there own lives

[SkySeeker22]

Hi @Holly1961 

Welcome to the SANE forums and well done on reaching out for support.

I'm sorry to hear that your husband is very ill.  From what you have written it seems like you are taking on a lot/all of the responsibility in caring for your husband.  Changes in roles in the household and relationships can be hard to process at first, and its understandable that you are feeling isolated and alone.

Do you have any supports available to you that can help with the care that your husband needs?  In your reply to @tyme  you mentioned that you do have some friends, but is there any other family members that may be able to help out?

I hear that you don't want to burden your friends with what is going on in your life, but is there a close friend that you could perhaps talk to or have a coffee with that would make you feel a bit more like your old self? Its more than likely that your friends want to reach out and help/support you and your husband but they are feeling a similar way to you.

While your husbands care is important, holding on to parts of yourself are important too.    It can be hard when caring for someone to take time for yourself, but is there something that you can do (even if just for a few minutes) just you for your own self care and well being?

Warm regards

SkySeeker22

[Ru-bee]

Hi @Holly1961 I'm sorry to hear that you and your husband are going through this.

@tyme is right in saying you're not alone in this. I know that supporting a loved one can a really difficult and isolating experience.

I hear your hesitation in reaching out to your friends because they've all got busy lives, I think almost all of us have that little voice that tells us not to bother others with our issues. I do wonder though, would you want your friend to reach out to you if the situation was reversed? 

If you're worried about overwhelming a friend it can be helpful to start by letting them know how you need to be supported. Like "I just need someone to listen" Or "I don't need advice" Or "I need a distraction" 

Reaching out here is certainly a good step, another may be to look into carer support groups either online of near you. You may also like to look into carer gateway for more support options.

[Joyssie]

Hi Holly

it can be really isolating for you, if you are at home alone, caring for your sick husband.

Do you get any time out to go for a walk? Are you on your own supporting him?

Keep on chatting to people on here. Seek help. Seek community groups. Do contact your friends and tell them how you’re feeling. You’ll be surprised to find that your friends want to help and support you, if you’ll just let them in.

Take it easy and be kind to yourself.

From Joyssie

[tacocat]

Hi @Joyssie 

I just wanted to make a quick stop to welcome you to the forums.

I'm sure you'll feel right at home amongst our friendly community. 

Feel free to Introduce yourself here if you haven’t already!

See you round the forums!

[Holly1961]

Thank you

[Ewok1963]

Hi Holly

As someone who has had a similar experience in caring for their partner I think one thing I always focus on is making sure I stay healthy myself. It is a real reminder that we cant support someone else if we ourselves get sick. It gives us the room to take some time for ourselves, which is pretty critical to avoid burn-out in these situations.

It is a matter of finding the right balance. 
I also wonder if your husband has any old friends, even some he has been out of touch with, that he might be able to reconnect with somehow.

I appreciate what you are going through and wish you much resilience in the journey.

[Jynx]

Hey @Ewok1963 just a lil tip, if you want other members to be notified that you've responded, you can tag them - use the @ symbol and a drop down will appear, and you can choose their name. If their name isn't there, you can type it out and it should then appear for you to select, then it will show up in blue, like this: @Holly1961 

(Side note: Notifications are on the fritz at the moment so they may not see your post just yet!)