Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Noggin]

Hey, 

wanted to reach out and get some support or advice. My partner has BPD, he has done a lot of work and most of the time we are good but I struggle when he is disregulated. He can be quite nasty, name calling, using things I have shared with him against me, threatening, he will square up to me and he is very big. He has got physical once but hasn’t since, he will hits things around me, punch the wall when I am next to it etc. I also struggle with my own issues, I have depression. I take these moments personally, and I know people say to learn to not take them personal. I struggle in these moments how much he can hate me, and then after he is so loving. It’s confusing to me, and I know he is confused too and I believe he is doing his best, just like I am. 
I have began struggling quite badly, he will share I should end my life, knowing I can hold that view for myself. I have self harmed [edited by moderator] a couple of times to try and cope with the emotions and pain. 
I'm not really sure what I am expecting from sharing this, but maybe someone could have advice for me. I am hopeful he will continue to grow and learn, but fearful nothing will change and I am getting weaker. 

Any help would be appreciated 

[tyme]

Hi there @Noggin ,

Welcome to the forums. Thank you for reaching out and sharing what has been going on.

It sounds like your partner is very loving, but can also turn very quickly. It is important that you set healthy boundaries, and sometimes, to protect yourself, you may have to escalate things. 

BPD is highly misunderstood. It takes years of talking therapy to for one to be able to find helpful ways of managing their hurt. Emotions are all over the place and being hurt emotionally is so incredibly painful for a borderline.

I'd encourage you to visit:

1) Topic Tuesday // Supporting loved ones living with BPD // Tuesday 25th January, 7pm-8:30pm AEDT 

2) Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script 

I have BPD. I know what the pain is like. Yet I also recognise the importance of you being protected. 

Please reach out to:

1800RESPECT 1800 737 732 https://www.1800respect.org.au/ for more advice; or

000 if you ever feel unsafe.

You are also welcome to look at the carer's resources from The Australian BPD Foundation.

Please take care and look after yourself.