Wives caring for Husbands

[tyme]

Hearing you @Tootsy . And it's amazing, supportive people that will help him realise you care. 

MH journeys can be so unpredictable. Yet it can take one beautiful soul to make a difference.

Hugs. You are not alone.

[Shaz51]

morning @Tootsy , @Healandlove , @Former-Member 

how is everyone going today 

[Former-Member]

hey Shazzie 🤗💜🌺

how’s your day going @Shaz51 ? 🙂

me not firing on all cylinders today - not enough sleep after braining it to the max last night reading research, really 🥱

However, I am making the mini quiches from our @Oaktree  and I’ll be duly posting a pic soon! 👌🏻🤗💜

hope you and Mr Shaz are doing ok 

and a shout out to @Healandlove  our lady with a heart of gold ..hope you’re doing ok sweets  💜🌺🤗

[Healandlove]

@Shaz51 @Former-Member @Tootsy ,

Hi beautiful friends. Today is not a great day as we navigate my husband's moods. Stress and his cptsd don't go well together.  He complains about the smallest things and you can see resentment in him. There are many days I think he wants out of the relationship because of how he behaves but then he'll tell me things like he is optimistic about our future. In all honesty I find myself disengaging for self protection. I completely understand where @Tootsy is coming from. I see glimpses of who my husband used to be but then his current self is constantly there. It makes it so hard, you can see the potential for happiness and yet it feels like he chooses depression, resentment everyday. I know it is his mental health but I can't blame everthing on cptsd. Sometimes I wonder if he would have been happy or fulfilled with another type of partner. Someone that is not as patient, loving, anxious and cares too much. I often ask him, what would make him happy. He doesn't know. It's sad because I still love him. I wish he had some answers for himself.  He is very stubborn and has huge trust issues. So even with my parents he opens a door to then quickly shut it. In short the constant walking on eggshells is hard. It leaves me feeling unloved and guilty. I choose to continue to support him for all the goodness that was there in the past and that I hope is still in him. I choose to continue to support him because of my children. But I hope it pays off one day. 

@@PinkFlamingo, sounds like you are cooking something delicious! Wherever you are, are you enjoying good weather? It is a beautiful 😍 day in Sydney.  I sit outside as I r write this and I try to soak in all of nature. Life has to get better one day, doesn't it? It just has to. I long to feel peace and a lighter heart one day. 

@Shaz51, I hope this is a good day for you and Mr Shaz. Sending you all lots of love, healing thoughts and an open heart wishing there was something I could do for us all. 

🥰🫂. 

Also @@PinkFlamingo,  make sure to get good rest tonight after your study session. 

[Shaz51]

Mini quiches sounds good @Former-Member , I will have to have a look 

@Healandlove , @Former-Member , @Tootsy 

Not a good day today,  I am teary and feeling overwhelmed with things I have to do with so much going on 

Am a bit worried about Mr shaz and we get the results on Wednesday,  but for a few days now he has been feeling breathlessness 

And his ASD is showing this weekend with him going on and on about one thing 

So trying to be patience and having lots of coffee 

Hope you have a better sleep tonight @Former-Member xx

[Former-Member]

Sorry to hear that @Shaz51 💜

Sending hugs and good vibes your way 🌺🫂

wish there was someone who could help you out with some things there 💜

lots going on - and Mr Shaz breathlessness would of course be a concern. If he feels out of sorts, do you have an urgent care clinic or emergency where they can review him?  💜

Holding space and sitting with you Shaz 🫂💜🌺

[Healandlove]

@Shaz51 , sitting with you and holding your hand. It is incredibly hard to in the places we are. All that needs to be done can wait if it is nor urgent or lufe critical. Try to concentrate on yourself and putting fuel in your tank. 

Is there anything that helps Mr Shaz when he goes into his ASD place? What if you were to play music? As a distraction for both of you?

Sending you a massive hug. I hope tomorrow is a better day for all of us ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[Shaz51]

Fingers crossed 🤞 for tomorrow my @Healandlove 

Can't do any follow-up today being a Sunday so I have written a list for this week coming. So see how many gets done , if not this week will have to be next week 

This afternoon he has been doing photography with my tea pots and putting them on his computer xx

I found out that like my husband-- if you have adhd and bipolar 2, most will be diagnosed with ASD later in life 

Husband does not know if he wants to get a proper diagnosis or not ? 

I can see ASD in my step children as they were diagnosed with Adhd when young 

Trying to decide what to have for dinner 

@Former-Member , @tyme 

[Former-Member]

Hey there @Tootsy  🙂🌺

im really sorry to hear things are difficult there…you’ve been holding up under work and cancer treatment, which is very difficult to do 💜

And I’m sorry to hear your husband is not going so well with his mental health. To me, it sounds like he is lashing out a bit at you for the way he feels, maybe? 
I live with cPTSD, anxiety, social phobia, trauma and have had depression in the past. 
I always feel very misunderstood in the community (just to clarify, I feel very welcome in rhe SANE forum community 🙂), and so I withdraw a lot. However, I have a very clear understanding where my illness stops and stigma begins, and that is the only time I will say something to someone. Otherwise, if people are kind, and clearly are trying to be gentle and helpful with what I live with, I reciprocate that care wholeheartedly even if I’m in distress because it’s not their fault and they’re only trying to be kind and helpful. 
I can only speak from my own experience, however even if I felt pretty awful with flashbacks and anxiety, I don’t lash out on those who care about me 🙂

I guess my point is that having a good level of self awareness and finding other ways to vent the pain of living with these conditions is really helpful, while ensuring the focus of problems/distress/discomfort isn’t transferred to someone who is close by, resulting in them feeling the pain. 
also, you have the right to boundaries - what you feel comfortable with, and what you don’t. 
I was married, however my ex husband didn’t think my feelings, health, or experiences were valid - totally opposite to the care and support you’re giving 🙂🌺

I kind of think of the way I live with my emotional health as something that I won’t let become destructive to those around me, and so I actively choose different ways to cope or reduce the effects of what I live with, while trying to communicate genuinely my state of mind to friends so they know clearly that if I’m having an off day, that it’s just me - and I’m not in any way directing anything at them or blaming them for me having a crappy day. If I’m a ball of steam, they know it’s ok, not their fault, and they know I’d never say blame comments to them (even if my vocabulary is restricted to the more colourful vernacular). 
I wonder if this contrasts with what you’re experiencing, and if it brings to light any areas of interaction that could be improved, for instance? 
I would say in general it’s not nice to be on the receiving end of someone else’s emotions, and there are some instances where I feel it shouldn’t be the case. 
I hope this reflection is helpful in some way, and I’m also tagging our @Healandlove  too 💜🙂🌺

[Former-Member]

Hey there @Healandlove 🌺🙂

I’m really sorry to hear what’s happening with your husband…sounds really disheartening and I can feel the hurt reading your words 💜🫂

that uncertainty you speak of I believe is part of the erosion of ourselves when we are not feeling reciprocal love and affection.. at least, that’s the way I interpreted some very similar feelings and thoughts when I was still married (my ex husband was chronically emotionally absent so I never knew where I stood, despite trying to give all I could to keep the connection). 

It’s very hard to know what’s best for each other, and the scenarios and alternatives I would run through often - similar to what you’ve mentioned in your post, however ultimately they were never answered as to whether they were right or not; the only thing with any certainty was day to day life, and day to day decisions on what to do, including the commitment I was willing and able to give, based on how I felt and what I could endure. The one thing I used to tell myself was, if there seemed to be hope for a better future, then I would do my best - however I know everyone is different, and the important thing is knowing where your boundaries lay, because at the end of the day, there’s also your health and wellbeing which is important too 🌺🙂💜

I hope there’s something helpful in there 🤗

Im in Sydney, and today has indeed been a lovely day, and I’ve been making these snacks to enjoy through the week (I’m hoping they freeze well!). 
I hope you felt better sitting in the sun for a moment or two, and yes, along with you I too hope for a better and lighter future 🙂🌺

Take good care and always remember you have lots of care and empathy here 💜🙂🌺