Eating disorder and more - need a shoulder ......

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks @Shaz51 💕

[Corny]

I'm sure you're very fatigued @Faith-and-Hope and it sounds like you're at the stage where clarity really sets in and you feel like he's a complete stranger to you and you've been taken for a ride for more years than you realised.

I wouldn't hold off any hope of him receiving a diagnosis and treatment.....its largely outside the definition of mentally unwell. And what they are so good at is faking sincerity and authenticity......when really its nothing of the sort - just a simulation.

The people with his personality traits that have simulation down pat, will go unnoticed for decades. I promise you he will never be single, ever. He will con others, and maybe some others don't give a damn as long as they get $$$$ out of it.

I don't know how you can stand the sight of him. You have patience I don't have and I've been told I am a very patient person. Well, I used to be. I don't think I am anymore.

Big hugs, it will be very draining.

[Faith-and-Hope]

It is very draining @Corny  .... neither he nor his new partner are behaving well at all, and are successfully alienating friends and family around us at the moment ..... all part of the fallout that will settle into its own place with time.

i can't stand the sight of him, but I am not prepared to lose my home - the home

our adult kids don't want to leave either - and I have hand-overs to do with D2 at the moment, who with her disability doesn't have awareness, discernment, or a filter, and is chatting happily about news of her day with them when she returns to me ......

🤮🤮🤮

Living with this as best I can for the moment, knowing that there are many swings and roundabouts on this new journey ahead of us, and living for the day that he is truly gone from my life.

[Corny]

Oh my @Faith-and-Hope you have a stomach of steel, the repulsion switch in my brain has no difficulty finding gear these days, and I couldn't cope seeing him. Keeps me safe, its doing its job, being turned off can be a good thing.

I think the roof is about to fly off over here!

Constancy, a hearth, and a sense of belonging and stable housing are one of the cornerstones of mental health, and not to be under estimated. If I am well enough one day I would love to advocate for stable housing and changes to tax policies that inhibit people being able to secure stable housing. Its a mental health issue and not just about economics, but the wealthiest have fenced so many people out with all the investment properties that they own, and tax breaks for SMSF's. I can understand you not wanting to lose the house, we didn't have much in our lives that wasn't chaotic but when our grandparents house was sold that they had lived in for 60 years it was like another death on its own. But new beginnings aren't always a bad thing - they can take a while to feel right, but you get there eventually. 

Surly a lawyer/family court judge will be able to see that it isn't simply about an asset, but is a health issue. Your ex-husband should WANT to provide as little disruption as possible to his children's lives considering they are dealing with anxiety and depression, but he will not want you to get something he doesn't get. 

There's really no way in knowing how it will play out. Pretty sure the courts make you do mediation now prior to anything actually going to court and hope that both parties will settle. 

Your ex has a lot of time on his hands now he's sold the business so he will give the divorce his full attention, and it will be exhausting. But there was a lot of conviction behind the separation from day 1 on your part, you were pretty certain it was over, so you have still got your self respect in tact which I think is awesome. A lot of people stay together for children or financial reasons or out of fear of being alone, their marriage has been more of a companionship for many years with no intimacy, and they don't mind if it continues that way because passion feels like something for the young - but you don't come across as someone that could live like that. He treats you with contempt, and isn't the slightest bit invested in your feelings, needs or well being. Maybe he isn't capable of it. 

You can feel more lonely in a relationship, than if you were single and living alone - I know that's how I would feel in a situation like that. I can't live with someone that feels no passion for me on any level. Maybe if they were really passionate about their sport, hobbies, art or work and it didn't bother them they're not passionate about their partner & the relationship, but it would really bother me. I guess we are all different. But your ex will never be alone, if it doesn't work out with the current women he will find another. And that inability to be alone is a big red flag to me. You can see it pretty easily in people once you know what to look for. Narc-needy has my sibs and I running for the hills. The slightest wiff and we come out in a hideous rash similar to Sco-Mo. True story Faith-ster.

When does your course start back?

[Faith-and-Hope]

The behind-the-back presence of another woman in his life, the utter no-integrity betrayal of having that "bit" wrapped around our disabled daughter, making a mockery of her disability by the fact that she couldn't .....

a) understand what was going on and what she had been immersed in contrary to every family value she was ever raised with .....

b) tell anybody what was so blatantly and abusively happening ..... 

c) she didn't know that her dad's relationship with this  "bit ",  that was retreating her so nicely, was going to result in the destruction of her home and all her family relationships as she knew them ......

..... is beyond appalling.  There was no way any feelings of love or respect that remained for me could remain a second longer once this was confirmed.   

Learning in hindsight what this kind of person is has completely erased any pathway to restoring our family relationships, because these people simply destroy anyone they are involved with.  we were lucky to have come out of it as lightly as we have for now.

His, and "her", ongoing appalling behaviours will do the rest in terms of disengaging the kids I reckon.  There are some things that charm and  money just can't conceal.

@Corny 

[Former-Member]

@Faith-and-Hope  I am not surprised by any of this. Its all very typical for NPD which, now you know what you are dealing with, fits the pattern so perfectly. I feel so sad, angry and heartbroken for you and the BDs who are caught up in the inevitable aftermath of all thats happened, happening and yet to happen. 😞😡💔

[Faith-and-Hope]

I am sticking by the age old adage @Former-Member  .... that "what doesn't krill you makes you stronger" ..... and will hopefully have iron-cast baby dragons by the end of it all too ..... ones that breathe fire back in the direction of the one who is injuring them so badly at the moment.

Me ?  I'm just gonna keep rising from whatever ashes I find myself sitting in ..... again and again and again .... God willing, shield in hand. 

[Corny]

Money can cast a spell on a lot of people, but it can expose their true selves. The real side often comes out.

Sounds like he has partnered with someone who has similar personality traits. It's simply not true that he will end up with another women who will also become a victim, she could be wired just like him. 

I completely agree with you re: how he is treating your disabled daughter.......I wince when I think about how vulnerable disabled people are who are placed in the care of strangers when they have to access support services. He is making a mockery of her but he probably thinks that he is being a great Dad. He would be deluding himself about it, and he doesn't have her best interests at heart. His money has probably become central to his identity and any threat to having less of it, is very confronting to his sense of superiority.

Corny 

[Faith-and-Hope]

I sure hope he has found another one like him in "her", at one level @Corny ... just as long as my kids are well clear of both of them, which they are not at the moment ...... 😠

[Former-Member]

They are very adept at picking their targets @Faith-and-Hope  ... always the nicest, most empathetic .. some might say naive. I sometimes feel like an enabler, but I know I'm not really. Nor are you. 

Rising from the ashes?  Yes you will .. very definitely. As you know, I was in the midst of numerous major bushfires back in November especially. We have had rain recently, and its amazing seeing new growth emerging from baron blackened and scorched landscapes. Life lies in wait for the right conditions before it re-emerges with renewed vigor.

Lovely to see you around again @Corny 

Sherry. 💕🌱